Journey of a Janus pt 6, Haven't we been here before?
Continuing from part 5...
So after my little outburst I did not really look for a church that much, even though I figured I should have. I got more and more over the guilty feeling as time went on, and eventually I just kind of put God on the backburner of my life next to the "Great American Novel I will never start" and getting the garage cleaned.
Things gradually got worse as I drifted. I stopped reading my Bible, I stopped praying, and I pretty much thought I would use my Jesus Net 2000 (Which is where you say, hey I am saved right...yeah...so if he wants to talk to me he can drop me an email.) I met someone that turned me completely around, though the wrong direction.
Well to make a long story not so long, about 5 or 6 years later I hit rock bottom. I was angry, bitter, and basically came back from my wandering a broken person. With just a shirt on my back, a really ugly truck, and my Jack Russell Terrier named Sammy.
Sammy and I were both wanderers back then. She had been my brother Ed's dog, and Ed was always out of town and leaving her at my parents and my sisters house. So Sammy got passed around like unwanted litter, when I came back from the West she kept me company on the nights when I didn't know where to go or turn. We have been together ever since.
Eventually I came out to this area, and met Bella. I was not always the easiest person to be around, but for some reason she liked me and eventually we fell in love with each other. Bella's mom gave me a job helping her do household chores and little odds and ends. It didn't make me wealthy by any means, but it kept me going.
After a brief time, Bella's mom, who never was in good health declined a lot and quickly. After a while I went from lawn work and helping unpack boxes from the move- and went into taking care of Mandy (Bella's mom) instead. Over the next two years we went through several other caregivers and her condition got worse, and I was there, sometimes full time sometimes part time.
Mandy's other daughter came down from Wisconsin to take care of her briefly and decided that her mom needed Bible Studies (as well as her and the rest of us, since Mandy was homebound.) So while I did not quite get excited about Bible Studies again, I started attending them. At first Lynn did all the lessons, then her dad took over a few times.
I was told that if I wanted to lead I could take my turn, I was content to be lead for a while. Though after a while, I started getting impatient because I was tired of looking up verses all over the old and new testament to learn that God was "Mighty." We did a lesson on the book of John which was interesting but no one seemed to be ready. I think God forced my hand.
So I did a lesson on Exodus, I went through all the Egyptian plagues and the marching towards the promised land. I did my research and my notes so that I could find all the little gems of wisdom that I have overlooked and I found myself fascinated again. You cannot teach without being taught yourself, it just doesn't work that way.
So I started looking up difficult verses, instead of just dismissing them as errors or embelishments. I read lots of commentarys, and started reading my Bible very heavily. Through the frustration of wanting to teach so I could talk about what I LIKE, I ended up finding my way back to God. This was just the beginning again.
Remember how I said if God wanted me he could find me again? Well he did.
To be continued.
So after my little outburst I did not really look for a church that much, even though I figured I should have. I got more and more over the guilty feeling as time went on, and eventually I just kind of put God on the backburner of my life next to the "Great American Novel I will never start" and getting the garage cleaned.
Things gradually got worse as I drifted. I stopped reading my Bible, I stopped praying, and I pretty much thought I would use my Jesus Net 2000 (Which is where you say, hey I am saved right...yeah...so if he wants to talk to me he can drop me an email.) I met someone that turned me completely around, though the wrong direction.
Well to make a long story not so long, about 5 or 6 years later I hit rock bottom. I was angry, bitter, and basically came back from my wandering a broken person. With just a shirt on my back, a really ugly truck, and my Jack Russell Terrier named Sammy.
Sammy and I were both wanderers back then. She had been my brother Ed's dog, and Ed was always out of town and leaving her at my parents and my sisters house. So Sammy got passed around like unwanted litter, when I came back from the West she kept me company on the nights when I didn't know where to go or turn. We have been together ever since.
Eventually I came out to this area, and met Bella. I was not always the easiest person to be around, but for some reason she liked me and eventually we fell in love with each other. Bella's mom gave me a job helping her do household chores and little odds and ends. It didn't make me wealthy by any means, but it kept me going.
After a brief time, Bella's mom, who never was in good health declined a lot and quickly. After a while I went from lawn work and helping unpack boxes from the move- and went into taking care of Mandy (Bella's mom) instead. Over the next two years we went through several other caregivers and her condition got worse, and I was there, sometimes full time sometimes part time.
Mandy's other daughter came down from Wisconsin to take care of her briefly and decided that her mom needed Bible Studies (as well as her and the rest of us, since Mandy was homebound.) So while I did not quite get excited about Bible Studies again, I started attending them. At first Lynn did all the lessons, then her dad took over a few times.
I was told that if I wanted to lead I could take my turn, I was content to be lead for a while. Though after a while, I started getting impatient because I was tired of looking up verses all over the old and new testament to learn that God was "Mighty." We did a lesson on the book of John which was interesting but no one seemed to be ready. I think God forced my hand.
So I did a lesson on Exodus, I went through all the Egyptian plagues and the marching towards the promised land. I did my research and my notes so that I could find all the little gems of wisdom that I have overlooked and I found myself fascinated again. You cannot teach without being taught yourself, it just doesn't work that way.
So I started looking up difficult verses, instead of just dismissing them as errors or embelishments. I read lots of commentarys, and started reading my Bible very heavily. Through the frustration of wanting to teach so I could talk about what I LIKE, I ended up finding my way back to God. This was just the beginning again.
Remember how I said if God wanted me he could find me again? Well he did.
To be continued.
posted by Janus Torrell at 11:53 PM
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