Waste your life for a low monthly fee
Don't worry you don't have to hear me whine about being tired too much this morning.
When I actually do work at reviewing games, which is rare because I am lazy, I occasionally have to review an Online Game. When I talk about online games in general I am referring to the "MMORPG's" which stands for Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games. Try Saying that ten times really fast.
Since many of my readers may be layman, and I might be out of touch and they might of changed what they call these games now, I will try to explain the concept of MMO.... oh nevermind I am not typing that out again.
Basically the point is, I like to play video games and talk to people, I don't want to have real social interaction though that would require me to wear pants and shave. The solution is play an online game where I can talk to other people that need to shower and haven't seen the sunlight since the Clinton Administration. This method saves you from having to smell those other people or leaving your chair ever again. (Except if you need to use the bathroom, and the milk jug is full.)
About 95% of the online games that are out there are fantasy role playing games, which is not as dirty as it sounds. Fantasy role playing games usually means that it has elves, orks, swords, and basically anything else that Tolkien thought of about half a century ago. Every month or so another company designs another one of these games, because God only knows we need another game with a damn elf in it.
The point of these games for the player is for you to kill everything you can, find and/or make things, and get better at killing and making stuff until you can do no more advancement. I have no idea what you do after that, since I don't have the attention span to get that far. I suppose that you sit around with all the other elves and get drunk and talk about how good you are.
Some games are simpler to use and work on older computers, and others require a 2 year degree in college and need a small network just to get it to work on lower settings. If the game is simple and works on my computer that means that it is no longer popular. I have considered spending 2000 dollars for a computer upgrade and 10-30 dollars a month so that I can pretend to be a slightly creepy looking gnome who can cast magic. Fortunately for me and my creditors I usually sober up and recover from the head trauma before the store opens.
Now back in the day (cue that blurring waving lines and creepy flashback music) about oh..a decade ago, I used to play one of these games fairly regular. That's because back then the world was popular from this crazy thing called eBay. My business partner and I used to play a game quite often and sell things from the game on the world's best online auction site. Our biggest clients were teenagers that had Daddies that would buy them anything just so they shut up and men and women in their middle age that like being elves just a little too damn much for their own good.
Some of you purists are going "that's stupid!"or "that's unethical." Well 300 dollars for playing a game for two days may be stupid and unethical but at the time I was able to get over it as we went out to the pubs and went road tripping all over the Midwest.
I think back and often wonder...where the hell did all that money go.
Now the online game companies have made it so you can't sell fake things to fake elves on the fake auction site. This is because they don't want you to ruin the game by flooding the markets...that and they sell it on their auction site and charge you a service fee. So I guess it's ok to destroy the economy as long as they get their cut. They also made it so it's a lot harder to get money on those role playing games for the amount of time it takes.
So when it takes as much time as a regular job to make about the same amount of money... Well you can say that Janus bowed out and let the younger generation take over. I don't like to pay by the month to waste my life away while I sit at a desk getting a beer belly and pretending to be something I am not.
I prefer one time payments for that sort of thing.
When I actually do work at reviewing games, which is rare because I am lazy, I occasionally have to review an Online Game. When I talk about online games in general I am referring to the "MMORPG's" which stands for Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games. Try Saying that ten times really fast.
Since many of my readers may be layman, and I might be out of touch and they might of changed what they call these games now, I will try to explain the concept of MMO.... oh nevermind I am not typing that out again.
Basically the point is, I like to play video games and talk to people, I don't want to have real social interaction though that would require me to wear pants and shave. The solution is play an online game where I can talk to other people that need to shower and haven't seen the sunlight since the Clinton Administration. This method saves you from having to smell those other people or leaving your chair ever again. (Except if you need to use the bathroom, and the milk jug is full.)
About 95% of the online games that are out there are fantasy role playing games, which is not as dirty as it sounds. Fantasy role playing games usually means that it has elves, orks, swords, and basically anything else that Tolkien thought of about half a century ago. Every month or so another company designs another one of these games, because God only knows we need another game with a damn elf in it.
The point of these games for the player is for you to kill everything you can, find and/or make things, and get better at killing and making stuff until you can do no more advancement. I have no idea what you do after that, since I don't have the attention span to get that far. I suppose that you sit around with all the other elves and get drunk and talk about how good you are.
Some games are simpler to use and work on older computers, and others require a 2 year degree in college and need a small network just to get it to work on lower settings. If the game is simple and works on my computer that means that it is no longer popular. I have considered spending 2000 dollars for a computer upgrade and 10-30 dollars a month so that I can pretend to be a slightly creepy looking gnome who can cast magic. Fortunately for me and my creditors I usually sober up and recover from the head trauma before the store opens.
Now back in the day (cue that blurring waving lines and creepy flashback music) about oh..a decade ago, I used to play one of these games fairly regular. That's because back then the world was popular from this crazy thing called eBay. My business partner and I used to play a game quite often and sell things from the game on the world's best online auction site. Our biggest clients were teenagers that had Daddies that would buy them anything just so they shut up and men and women in their middle age that like being elves just a little too damn much for their own good.
Some of you purists are going "that's stupid!"or "that's unethical." Well 300 dollars for playing a game for two days may be stupid and unethical but at the time I was able to get over it as we went out to the pubs and went road tripping all over the Midwest.
I think back and often wonder...where the hell did all that money go.
Now the online game companies have made it so you can't sell fake things to fake elves on the fake auction site. This is because they don't want you to ruin the game by flooding the markets...that and they sell it on their auction site and charge you a service fee. So I guess it's ok to destroy the economy as long as they get their cut. They also made it so it's a lot harder to get money on those role playing games for the amount of time it takes.
So when it takes as much time as a regular job to make about the same amount of money... Well you can say that Janus bowed out and let the younger generation take over. I don't like to pay by the month to waste my life away while I sit at a desk getting a beer belly and pretending to be something I am not.
I prefer one time payments for that sort of thing.
Labels: rants, social tripe, work stuff
posted by Janus Torrell at 5:46 AM
7 Comments:
Pay close attention, kids: this is the proper way to write if you want this old fert to continue reading technical crap. Cat and dog. Cat and delicious dog, homey. Yes, keep it simple, Sampson.
Janus shows he has the knack to do just that. See where he went MM...(man, I almost fell asleep, trying to complete that jargonisim)? No doubt his keen ability could be fueled by countless reams of earlier written and embarrassingly-bad prose, which he wisely keeps hidden away, plus a case or two of cheap beer. I know all my efforts sure are.
Say, Janus. You remember a game called Tiapan? You, the adventuresome typist, fought pirates and tried to get rich while not losing your ship. ComEd made a small fortune off me and my keyboard during that era. Then along came Duke Nukem, Cosmo’s Cosmic Adventure, and lastly (raise them trumpets and blow ’em hard, boys)the leaping and hopping and jumping and dying and coming-back-to-life Commander Keen. I wonder how many players were lucky enough to catch sight of Keen dropping his shorts to moon his audience from one particular platform on one of the many levels (ahem -- a strong hint is embedded in that untoward act).
Good memories you jogged, and I would applaud if these carpel tunnel scars would let me.
Tiapan? Of course one of the first games I reviewed back when we used to review Apple and Commodore games too. Though I heard they remade it for windows, so you can relive it. Someday I will have to email you link.
Earlier written/Embarrassingly bad prose.. yes I buried it, deleted it, burned it, and still make it quite frequently. As for a few cases of cheap beer..naturally :)
I do try to avoid speaking that jargon jibba jabber, ya dig. Occasionally though I forget myself. (Like 2 out of 3 posts.)
Glad you enjoyed it, I went off on a tangent and if I wasn't too tired I might of forgot this is a blog and not a book. Thank Goodness I get tired.
Thanks for stopping in
I'm just waiting for them to make a 'Barney the Dinosaur' online game.
Now THAT would be ... erm ... interesting!!!
Frodo
I am just going to shudder at that one Frodo
well I didn't get more detailed because I already thought I was getting longer than most people could pay attention.
So I neglected the Science Fiction genre. aka "Orks in Space"
The House building thing sounds tedious and I would lose interest fast. I have played the Sims Online briefly. After I thought for a moment that I am "Cleaning a house, going to work, cooking dinner, and going to bathroom" in a game I realized that it was stupid to do things for fun in a game that I don't particularly enjoy in the real world.
Glad you would rather make a one time payment. Please feel free to write me a check, I will waste your time anyday.
The Ork formerly known as Sheed
I might take you up on that..thanks for visiting Sheed
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