Riveting Entertainment News.

I thought this morning I would celebrate my return to the ordinary world by seeing what exciting news happened today.

"Downey Disses the Dark Knight."

Alright I realized entertainment is not really "News" just like Nintendo Wii is not really golf and bowling, but still. Is this the best they can do?

Why would millions of people care about Robert Downey Jr's comic book opinions? I don't think Robert Downey Jr. even cares about his own comic book opinions.

Dancing with the Stars is having a new season. I am very happy to no longer be working at a retirement home during the evening, so I can completely avoid watching this. I do have to see who the "Stars" are since normally I don't know more than a third of them. This gives me hope that someday I might be a "star." Though I don't dance so I am not going on this show, even if I do lose what dignity I have left.

Lance Bass. Ok at least I know that is. I didn't know him when he was a singer, but I get to hear about how he did an interview with people magazine and did some cartoons. When we run out of N'Syncers we might have to tap into that New Kids On The Block members. Hopefully by then the show will be gone.

Toni Braxton. I remember the name. She sang some songs 10 years or more ago and I can't remember any of them but hey its been a while. I can't even remember half the crap I learned in school.

Brooke Burke. Don't know her. Oh, wikipedia says she is a former lingerie model and appeared nude somewhere or other about 5 years ago or so. Must of missed the memo.

Rocco Dispirito. Never heard of him. I guess he's a chef or something. I don't know anything about celebrity chefs unless I have one of their products in my house. Why isn't Chef Boyardee coming out to dance this season. That might be interesting.

Maurice Greene. Hmm no idea. Oh a former Olympic athlete. Thats alright.

Kim Kardashian. I have heard of her, I wish I hadn't, but I know the name. A reality TV (gag) star My knowledge of her comes from watching her get bashed on The Soup. I can understand lingerie models, chefs, and athletes...but Kim Kardashian????

Cloris Leachman. Hmm I feel I should know this one. It is a name that I don't hear every day but how can I forget someone named Cloris? She won a whole bunch of awards for TV acting. I don't watch a lot of TV, so I am clueless.

Cody Linley. Never heard of him. Oh he is on that evil Hannah Montana thing. So he probably has a curling iron and towel with his picture stuck on it somewhere but I have trained myself to run from Hannah Montana stuff before it gets scarred into my memory.

Susan Lucci. Hmm no idea. The most famous face in daytime television and soap opera star. (Yahoo is so kind to let me know that I should know her.) Well I hate daytime TV and soap operas are even worse. So now I know.

Misty May-Treanor. I think I spelled that right, I ain't checking again. Olympic athlete. that says it all. I really need to pay attention to sports more.

Ted McGinley. Alright, know this one. I am actually glad Ted McGinley is on Dancing With the Stars. Usually when Ted shows up on a television show it means it is on the verge of being canceled. He is one of the signs that the show is on the way out. Go Ted go!

Jeffrey Ross. The guy from celebrity roasts. Glad he is able to take time off his busy schedule of trying to make people like Donald Trump and Bob Saget seem amusing. This will give the future roastees something to fight back with.

"Oh yeah...well you were on dancing with the stars....buuuuuuuuuuurn!" Then he sniffles and walks off the camera.

Finally Warren Sapp. Retired famous football player. 'Nuff said.


Well thats enough of that crap, I have to find the real world again now. I should have slept more.

Ffrazzled and recovery. (Aka where I was for a week)

Well I dealt with someone on Wednesday that I haven't dealt with for 6 years or so, and it was a bit harder than I expected. Praying for peace and words before hand is always a good practice. I really never know what I am doing, good thing for me God does.
Still despite things going "Not so bad" I have had a problem relaxing even worse than usual, I don't how I am going to make it to May. I was going to decompress a bit yesterday but had company until about 9:00.
I love company, but I am that Introvert no matter how hard I try not to be, and I don't really relax with anyone else around that easily. It doesn't mean I don't love and like people, but I am a hermit when I rest.
I talked to James (Something I haven't done for a long time since things have been so crazy) and we did some catching up. James was amazingly patient and understanding...I think he is finally getting old and mellowing out (like I kind of did.)
I had coffee with my friend Allen this morning, and other than the waking up part, It was good. I feel more at peace after having a sounding board, though I feel a bit odd confiding in people still.
Torrell men are not famous for that "Sharing stuff." I am the loudest of course in my family but I always feel like I am a downer or obnoxious so avoid that sharing stuff.
My wife and I went to the Gym today, and yesterday. If I had life insurance I might question if she is trying to kill me since I am not Mr. Activity. I am doing well though and it feels good actually!
Well other than my calve muscles.
It feels like someone was smacking them with a baseball bat.
I had a massage and a chiropractor appointment afterwards which helps.
I am also proud of myself for being able to jog about a 1.8 miles in 18 minutes, which for me is amazing, though probably pretty mediocre for most people. I am the guy that skipped gym class for most of school though so that is about the equivalent of winning a contest for me.
Who knows if I do this long enough I might sleep like a baby.

Thanksgiving...the day after report

This time of year (At least in the United States) people generally get together with friends and family and cook up more food than they can possibly eat and have enough left overs that people will never eat turkey again for about a year. That is Thanksgiving.
I won't bore you with the origins of Thanksgiving but I will try to remember the meaning of it.
We generally have so many blessings and good things that we tend to not even think about (Unless one of them is gone.) Thanksgiving is a single day out of 365 other days that we spend with our family and share a meal and hopefully remember all those good things.
So I feel like writing this sappy post and sharing with you somethings I am thankful for.

1. My God (and my relationship with him.) I don't know how I would have survived many of the things the last few years without him. He comforts, provides, cares, and shows his love for me even when I don't see it right away.

2. My wife, Bella. She helps complete me, and she is frequently strong when I feel weak and vice versa. She gives me a reason to come home at a decent hour, listens to me whine all the time, and does more than I can fit on this post really...save it for Valentines day.

3. My Friends and Family A few years ago I didn't think I had so many of you, but now when I look at my email and phone list I realize I just was not paying attention. People have been wonderful to us and have helped keep us strong through the trials. A special mention to Rob who will drive through snow to join me for a talk and a beer at 9:30 at night. He reads this but doesn't say much...so say hi to Rob guys.

4. A roof over my head I would have said a warm home, but I am glad my house isn't a burnt pile of cinders. Having a fire, even a little fire, is great for realizing what you have.

5. My work. I complain and joke about it here, but I am grateful for my job and my other work. It gives me a bit more meaning and purpose throughout my day, and yes getting paid is good as well.

I could make this list more complete or longer, but this is a post not a novel. Thanks for all these things and thanks for you for reading Return of the Janus.

Scary stuff to think about....

I missed the Halloween boat by about a month due to the other stuff going on, and now it is approaching Thanksgiving. So in true Janus fashion I am going to talk about something completely irrelevant today.
This list could be much longer but I am just going to give you a top 5 things that scares me list. We can't do 10, the writer's strike won't allow it.
1. For every bad tv show or movies out there, at least 10 other ideas were considered and rejected. I don't know if you have been watching a lot of TV, but that scares me to death. Knowing I am watching "The best"makes me really appreciate reading much more. This isn't just ABC and CBS either, people reject shows for Court TV, Bravo, and Animal Planet. Got goosebumps yet?

2. Those creepy geese. I look out my window or drive by a giant field and I just see tons of geese sitting around looking like they are planning something. What if they don't go south, what if they decide to invade instead? You can't even shoot them because of the law against harming migrating birds...that means we are defenseless!

3. We still have people that think reality TV and professional wrestling is real. This week on Hulk Simmons, the Hulkster's son says funny things about his dad and his daughter wants to date someone and hilarity ensues as Hulk and his entire camera crew dress up as giant gorillas and spies on them at their date at the zoo. Get this, Hulk gets caught! I can't believe I just said "Hilarity ensues", blame Bramlett for that.

4. People still watch home videos shows and laugh at spitting up babies and guys that get hit in the crotch with tools. Perhaps if they used the tools a few years ago we could have avoided some of the baby videos.

5. I am in the top 20% of the wealthiest people in the world. I am talking about my job here, not my wife and my combined income here. My job is just skirting minimum wage. Considering that some people in the world make less in a year than I do in an hour is just scary to me.

Janus returns to Return of the Janus again

I was actually back yesterday but wasn't really freed up to announce it.

I'm home!

First the bad stuff.

They have to fix the hot water on my shower right now (Hey it makes me shower really fast), I have a few boxes to unpack (but not carry), and still waiting for the blinds we ordered so right now I feel like I am slightly in a fishbowl.

I also am sore from carrying all our crap upstairs in one day.

There got all that complaining out, now I can tell you that I am happy to be here and love my newish home. I am settling in and enjoying sleeping on my bed again. (My back missed the bed too.) Sammy and Bella are adjusting well, in fact they are sleeping away while I take my motrin and prepare for the salt mines and talk to you.

I have a facebook for my real name (as opposed to my fake name) I have no idea why anyone would want to see that but just email a request if you are that bored.

I have 281 posts to read from the last month, which shows you guys have all been busy and now I will be buried in that for a while.

Plans to revamp the blog will be coming up, let me get used to being home for a bit.

Nice to see you all again.

Cultured Janus aka Janus goes to a play.

Saturday and part of Sunday involved putting the last of our things in a box. Now I can finally relax a bit...well until we have to move all this crap back in. I have been living on love, take out food, and motrin for the last week. The good news is my hand stopped tingling, the bad news is now it just really hurts.
Jose and his wife came out and we decided to see a play at the CCC Yellowbox my church/coffee shop/special events center of things.
The play was called "Our Town" which was a play about the life about folks in a small town through a generation from childhood, marriage, and death. It is much easier to watch than it is for me to describe.
I realized that I had seen this play before back in the city where I used to live near. I realized though that the play I saw at Sunday seemed to be more enjoyable and more well acted. Perhaps it is my faulty memory or perhaps it is because I know some of the actors, but the play was really something special to me and seemed better this time around.
It had a somewhat sad ending and Jose whispered to me "I want to cry, this is really good."
After it was done we had to console ourselves with some all you can eat Mongolian stir fry. I had my usually 30 pounds of meat and a carrot mix, while everyone else ate more healthy. Then we were full and quite consoled or something like that.
I need to go to plays more often, it was great. For a few hours I was able to forget my back and enjoy myself. It was just plain great.

A few little tidbits to help you get closer to people.

Well I promised I would talk up some about forming better bonds and connecting and all that the other day so I figured why not. Sure I have no formal education in this field but I figure if I bulge my eyes and talk to you slow and loud that I can pretend to be Dr. Phil or something.
So why not.
First off I want to point out that I hate the words bonds and connecting, it sounds too much like a shrink. So we will just call it "Getting to know non-terrible people better" or something odd like that.
Second of all while I am not writing this from a book, you have probably heard most if not all of these from someone before. Sorry I don't have anything secret and certain to work, if I did I would probably sell it, make money, not go to work anymore and just bang on the drum all day.

Here are the Non-Terrible people get to knower thingees.

To have a friend you must be a friend. Repeat after me. Duh. Everyone has heard this one, I think they have been saying it since as long as people have been around. But it is true, you can't expect someone to embrace your friendship if you aren't putting effort into it. It is work and sometimes very hard work.
Don't just pretend to care about someone, try to actually do it. Easier said than done, but when you really do care I think people can tell. When you are pretending I think they can tell too.
No one can make friends for you but you. People can introduce you to other people, you might get invited to a social activity, your parents might want you to date the nice girl that they met. Ultimately though you have to make the move and you have to feel the chemistry and all that stuff. No one else can do it for you. You can be lead to water but no one can make you drink. Yeah you got it lets move on.

New friendships involve risk. Really anything worthwhile and long term involves some sort of risk and making friends is no exception. It is like asking for a date in someways. What are you doing tomorrow? Would you like to grab a coffee? Yes they can maybe say no or take a raincheck but at least ask if you want to hang out. People don't normally sit around going,"Hey that guy standing around like he wants to ask me something...he might want to go for coffee!" People don't respond to telepathy. Take a chance and talk.

Patience and Time. Great friendships don't happen instantly. You might have a good talk right away and feel like good friends, but lets get real. It takes time for these things to mature. Friendships are made of being a good friend and having someone be a good friend to you and doing that for a while. You have to be consistent and build up that trust and closeness, just have to let things roll. Anything worth a crap isn't normally quick.

Be Honest I don't mean that you have to tell every embarrassing thing you ever did to your friend, in fact I am sure he is better off not knowing about a lot of that stuff. You do have to be honest though since any type of relationship you can have in life tends to go bad for you and the people around you when it is built on a lie. Delusions are not the way to makes friends and it is not good for yourself either. Reality bites but fantasy doesn't even exist. Start out on the right foot, keep it real.

Buy a round once in a while. This refers to paying for activities, not just going to bars. It is ok if someone wants to buy you dinner once in a while but it is important to also contribute and even treat your friend. It keeps things mutual and it keeps you from the temptation of the leech persona. You have to have give or take to make things work, so be sure to pull your weight.


Remember the cardinal rules of compromise. When it comes to a disagreement or difference of opinion (which inevitably will happen) if it is not too important, agree to disagree. If it is important than sit down and work it out. Learn how to tell the difference between important and not important opinions. Be diplomatic.

Be wary of anyone that leads you away from other people. A friend will understand that you have other friends and will not normally get upset about that. Some folks have met the Stalker/Co Dependant type that insists on having your undivided attention. Don't exclude the other friends because you met a new one. If your new friend insists on being the only person in your life it is unhealthy and fishy to say the least. Don't allow anyone to have this much control over your life.

Be Safe I don't need to remind you that we got some crazy people out there and that for a friend like a potential date you just have to be mindful of the risks. Get to know people slowly and keep it to a public place until they have proven to be worthy of trust. Can never be too careful.

Well hope something out of this is of any help to someone. I am off to dreamland.

Get to know who is who around you

So the other day I said we need intimacy because we are made that way. Later on I will talk how to hopefully grow a bit with that one. I realize that the longer I start writing this the more stuff I think of to say, and since I don't have a podcast or 20 minutes to talk I have been trying to cut pieces here and there.
Today I wanted to introduce you to the types of people. This isn't from any book I know so pardon me while I just kind of make this up. Even if it isn't in any book that I have read there are types of people out there. Before you can look at who is good to be more intimate with and who you should not you need to get to know deeply, examine these types and learn which ones the people around you fit into.

The enemy. I don't think you need me to really explain this one too much. An enemy not only doesn't like you but does what they can to make your life miserable. The difference between the enemy and the others is intention. You hopefully will not have too many of these in your life, but an enemy isn't an accidental case. It is intentional.
So you pray for your enemies, and you love them for being broken human beings. You don't go out of your way to bond or confide in them though for obvious reasons.

The Rival. The rival is a much higher step from enemy really. While the enemy is trying to destroy you just for destroying sake, the rival isn't so personal about things. The rival is only an enemy in a specific area. Like football, a lady (or man), or a different school. More times than not after the event that makes you rivals passes the rival can become a buddy or friend, because you have the same interests (Which is why you are rivals in the first place.)

The Co-dependent/Stalker Co-dependent is not always a stalker and vice versa, but they often come to the same conclusion. Some people out there with low self esteem or who are particularly delusional form this bond with people. This person molds and shapes their life and efforts around you. If you are a leech/opportunist this makes them easy prey for a while and you can really ride the gravy train on this one, if you are a kinder soul you will tend to downplay or ignore this person. Regardless of your approach though, always treat this person with caution.
When the game is over, and eventually it will always get to that point. This person usually feels betrayed or used, and you might not even have done anything to them per say. This person is not based on reality and if they suddenly feel betrayed they can either become suicidal and/or depressed or they can become an enemy. Tread lightly around this one.
Don't encourage this falsehood, but be careful.

The opportunist/leech Most of us have been this to someone at least once in our life. These are ones you avoid like the plague, their kindness and friendliness towards you is for mercenary reasons. Sometimes they don't realize it but usually they do. These are the ones that are wanting to borrow money (and never pay it back) or accept gifts from the stalker/codependant types all knowing that they are taking advantage of the weaknesses of others. In many ways this type is the worst, because with enemies and rivals you normally know where you stand.
Tread lightly around this one as well, because as people wise up to the leech and he or she starts to have people and material benefits withdraw one by one this person can easily shift into an enemy too or become dangerous. You don't enable them but don't turn your back on them either. A desperate leech is the most common type of resident in prisons.
Some careers actually exist based on the leech persona so be careful, the majority of hard sell salesman, strippers, prostitutes and other professions that involve using wiles and trying to get as much as one can with the least amount of effort on their part tend to gravitate to this persona.
Needless to say I don't really recommend you pursue this type of persona. In the long run it is only going to bring you down.

The Acquaintance Simply put these are the majority of the people in the world. They are people you don't really know and you might say hello to. You might even know their name and they might know yours but this does not make you anything more. Eventually if you get to know someone they may remain this way by mutual assent, or they (or you) will gravitate to the other roles. Use good judgment with anyone that you don't know that well.

The buddy This is a person that you get along with that happens to share common interests (or a common direction) with you. We have heard of bar-buddies, drinking buddies, travel buddies, internet buddies, and so on. You may or may not even know the name of your buddy.
a buddy is much like a friend in many ways. You can talk for hours about things (usually your common interests) and you can hang out on occasion. It is a mutual partnership of convenience for someone doing the same activity or going the same direction.
Where the buddy fails to be a friend is in the area of inconvenience. You might be a great guy to hang out with but he isn't going to ask you over for a BBQ for certain. If you have a problem the buddy generally doesn't want to be a part of it and may become uncomfortable or even annoyed with you for trying to involve them. When the going gets tough the buddy usually gets going. Having buddies isn't a bad thing, but know where you stand.

The Friend Finally we have the friend, this is usually a buddy or acquaintance that has earned this distinction through time spent together and forming bonds. The Friend is not always going to be there when you need them either, because they do have their own life. When it comes down to the important stuff and when you really truly are against a wall the friend will do everything they can do to help you deal with it.
A friend remains a friend much like a wedding vow, in sickness and health, richer or poorer...all that sort of thing. A fair-weather friend is actually a buddy. a true friend is all season and even when it is not easy. A friend will also tell you when you are wrong and being stupid.
Sometimes you may prefer a buddy to a friend when you are wanting to do things your own way or live in denial, but a friend is ultimately the only one that can help you past this stage. Ultimately with friends it has to be mutual, give and take. if you are not on the same page, eventually it will fall apart and go to one of the other categories.

Now talking about God a little today, in the bible Jesus says he is your friend. Many people say Jesus is my friend which is true, but how many people can say they are the same for him? Chew on that one for a while. Think deeply about the people in your life and think to yourself. "Self, what is my real relation with these people and what is their real relation with me."
It is scary but ultimately worth it. Next time I will write about some very basic things about how to improve those bonds (that should be improved) and things you can do to grow in your healthy relationships and friendships

An Introduction to the need of intimacy

Before we go too far here, I just want to give you the definition of the key word in this post "Intimacy." My 40 year old Websters dictionary at work says "The state of being intimate" (I really do hate it when they do that in the dictionary.) and "Sexual relations" is definition two.
It may surprise you though to know that it also means "Innermost, familiar, closely related, close, and closeness."
It is this definition that we are talking about the next few days. It is important for you to know what I mean. When I ask if you are intimate with people, I am referring to closeness and bonding. If your Grandma Edna asks if you are intimate with your new girlfriend...well you better check to see which definition she is using.
As humans we are made for intimacy with other people. We are a package set and not like a fork and knife, more like chopsticks. You can eat without a knife but try just using one chopstick. (In my case try using chopsticks at all, I need the cheater ones.)
In Genesis, God says "It is not good for man to be alone." He is saying this before he saw that I wouldn't eat properly, cut my hair, turn off the Playstation, and shave for days without Bella stopping my madness. He is referring to humans in general. We are really made to be close to others as well as God.
While Hollywood and motivational speakers may tell you that it is wrong to "need" other people this is not true. We are designed that way as social creatures.
Yes it is wrong to be extremely dependent as much as it is to be a crazed loner. We all need times to be ourselves and alone but do not forget that you need time with others and relationships.
People who don't understand the need to connect intimately with others tend to look for intimacy in unhealthy ways. The girl (or guy) that sleeps around because they aren't satisfied being alone and want to feel connected, the teenage girl who wants a baby to have someone love her, the husband (or wife) seeking gratification from another person. They all find pseudo-intimacy and eventually realize that it does not sate or fill any desires but in fact normally leaves someone with more problems than when they started.
We'll talk a little about healthy connections later.
Isolation is not a good thing or the answer. They put people in solitary confinement to punish them, you tend to hear about sociopath loners a good deal more often than loving socially adjusted ax-murderers. If you are away from people long enough you start talking to Wilson the Volleyball.
You get the point.
Connecting with other people isn't an option, it is a requirement. Even if being a loner looks neat in Clint Eastwood movies.

Moving Mania and Running Video

I hate moving.
I think it is even worse when it is only temporary. That means all these oodles of boxes and crap are going to have to be put right back into our house when it is done.
Second floor is great if you don't want to be flooded but a nightmare when you have to carry stuff down the stairs. I am livin' on Motrin.
You never realize how much crap you have until you have to move it.
It will be better soon, I hope and pray.

Did video for the High School services today, and that went better. The more I do it the easier it seems to be, though I like to keep some pressure so I can be motivated to pay attention. I think I am beginning to figure it out, but still not at the point where I don't frantically make sure that Eric is within shouting distance if I suddenly blow something up. Good thing the teachers are pretty patient, if it was my coworker James he would of swore at everyone and did it himself.

I was fun and some folks came up to me and said "Good job" Which is nice and embarrassing at the same time. I just say Thank you very much and don't say that about anyone with use of their hands could probably do the same or better. Maybe I have something natural that I bring to work that I don't know about, I don't see anything though.

So sorry to not give a more exciting update, but I am sleepy and I have to work a double tomorrow. See ya soon

Can't I just read a book anymore?

So I went for lunch at Rob's today and we had a good talk and read Mr Lewis.

After that I had a few hours before work so I decided I would go to the library and read some classical literature stuff. Milton's "Paradise Lost." It is not a bad read if you like really long and pious poems...it is creative but I wouldn't base my whole understanding of the history of the universe on it really. This is one of those books that I read in High school and I still don't really like it that much.
Some guy with his three kids came into the library and I couldn't get into the book even if I wanted to. Now I am not the meanest old geezer in the library but if you are going to take your kids into the library at least pretend to pay attention to them. This guy is checking his email while his kids are running around and screaming at each other and one of them even jumped up on the table I was reading on.
The law prohibits me from beating other people's children. The librarians just kept working business as usual.
What happened in the last twenty years? My parents weren't the toughest parents in the world with me and I could be a little loud (still can be,) but really if I did that stuff that those kids did back then- my mom would of dragged me out to the car and later that night my father would spank, yell, and ground the everlovin' crap out of me. Librarians also used to tell you to be quiet and you used to be terrified of the crusty old lady with the wierd hairy thing growing on her nose.
Well with their dad not doing anything and the librarians too busy pretending to be deaf I had enough. I gave the kid my most irritated forehead scrunch and bit my teeth together which I do when I am thinking but everyone assumes I am mad when I do that. Watched him back up and suddenly shut up and run to another section of the library.
I went upstairs then and looked around and saw all the kids books. I wish I grew up in a town like this when I was little because I would have loved to read all of the books. I also want to write a kids book someday (someday...sigh) so I always like to see what's popular. I hadn't even walked into the room when a librarian walked up to me and asked me if I needed help.
"Just looking around, thanks," I said with a smile.
"Adult fiction and reference are downstairs," she said not returning a smile and a tone I did not care for, "The elevator and stairs are back that way."
I realized that I am a 30 year old man with no children with him and that the librarian probably was concerned about that. Apparently I look dangerous or in need of help because she kept staring at me until I backed away from the best seller kids fiction display rack. I didn't say anything or do anything threatening but I was getting irritated with everyone in general in that library today.
So I went to Internet Cafe at the Yellow Box at the church building, where I could have a tea, write a blog to complain about the library, no children were running around while parents ignored the little beasts, and people don't follow me around expecting me to steal something or kidnap children.
Thank goodness for the Ground Level Cafe....iced tea fixes everything.

Janus returns yet again

Today was the first full day where I didn't have the nasty cough. I still have a little cough once in a while but I am back in the saddle again. Hope you all didn't forget about me.
So lemme see, updates updates updates.

Our house is getting remodelled. For people that were wondering about the offhand remodeling remark I made a few days ago. We are ripping out the carpet, having the place painted, bathroom being redone...all that sort of stuff. My father in law is out of the country for a while soon, so we are staying at his place for a month. This will allow us to function without contractors getting in the way of our normal life and we won't be in their way. In a month or so, God willing, things will be back to normal after it starts.
Don't worry I will still be blogging, I am not dying or something.

Today was my third time running video for church, and my first time on my own. Eric was nice enough to set me up so I didn't freak out and mess things up too badly. I don't relax though when I do video, but I figure that is a good thing, it keeps me alert. Er...practice will make better I am sure.

My wife and a few friends have been telling me I need to get a facebook page or something, I am considering it. I can barely keep up with the blog with my busy scheduale of ...um...playing Playstation and sleeping. Besides I am always slow for change, if it wasn't for my friend Andrea, I wouldn't even be blogging yet.

Perhaps I will who knows. Anyway it is good to be back.

Keep your eye on the wheel.

These are pretty much things that come up once in a while that have been irritating me but something else has always come up that is more important. Well today I am going to rant about the unimportant stuff so I can get it out of my notebooks.


A while back we had that crash with two helicopter flying news reporters who were following a guy running from the police.

I think the deaths were tragic and I don't want to really make it sound like I am making fun of these people but I have to say this.

What the hell were they thinking of doing reporting and trying to fly a helicopter at the same time!? Multitasking is a leading killer in car crashes. Text messaging, yacking on the cell phone, changing your radio station...driving is crazy enough without doing something else that distracts you from the 99 year old mummy in the Buick that pulls out in front of you.

Now lets talk about helicopters. When you hear about people dying in wars on the news the leading cause of death besides ambushes is helicopter crashes. Helicopters may be able to hover and land in smaller spaces, but they have a very low margin of error. If you have problem with your oil pressure you can't just pull the helicopter over on the nearest cloud and call a tow truck.

So back to my original rant. When you fly a helicopter you should be totally focused on flying and what is going on around you. Would it be too unreasonable to have a pilot and a reporter that flies with a cameraman. That way the pilot can navigate, use the flight instruments, avoid power lines and the occasional news helicopter? I know that would mean having to pay someone else to ride in the helicopter, but is that really so much to ask?

You can do this 9 out of 10 times and not have any trouble, but it is the 1 out of 10 that you have to be ready for.

Then to make matters worse, we have people wanting to sue the guy running from the police because these guys were so busy trying to get this chase on the news they crashed into each other. Now even if this guy did steal a car or what not I find that very stupid and unfair.

It is one thing if he rammed them with his car or shot at them, but if we are all going to be sued by people that get in accidents from watching other drivers or rubbernecking at accidents... I just find it a tad petty and where do we draw the line for responsibility. Instead of looking to sue someone we should see what we can do to prevent future crashes.

Keep it real people.

Reality Check (Fighting addictions)

Well the 12 step program and the big idea can go through it better than I can but I will give you a little education on the addictions unit "Hooked." Actually you probably know all this stuff but I will remind you about it, since we all tend to forget this stuff. Usually on purpose.
Change is rough and habits can be terrible. I am sure you knew that already too.
Most of us if not all of us have some sort of addiction. Workaholics, Alcoholics, Chataholics, Videogame addicts (quit looking at me like that), Blogaholics, Caffeine addicts..etc. If this doesn't apply to you, sorry in advance, but if it does I hope this can help.
I know I have a couple.
Some addictions are socially acceptable in many cases like addiction to blogging, and some are a bit harder for people to understand and some are well concealed and cause silent anguish while others are so obvious that even the addict has a problem denying it.
The point is that addiction is a parasite, it takes away from you, while usually giving you a short term fulfillment. After that high is gone, you feel worse and more empty than before. Sometimes they are nice and subtle and you don't realize how deep you are into it until it is silently and sometimes loudly wrecking the world around you.
Karl didn't wake up one day with a hangover and boom he was an alcoholic. It started with a beer...and another beer. It snuck up behind him and he didn't realize what was going on until he was already on the floor and being pinned.
So what is holding you down, what is influencing you more than you ever thought it would and is killing you from the inside.
You may say "Janus I am fine, I don't got any bad habits...it's all under control, I can stop them whenever I want to."
Yeah so can I. Now let me tell you another one. The first thing you have to do is own up to your addiction. Closing your eyes and hiding under the mattress doesn't make the monsters go away, it just deludes you into thinking your safe. I am not calling anyone a liar, but everyone should check into their own heart. Frequent scans and defrags on the soul are good for you, even if you don't like to look at it. Admit the problems.
The next thing to do when you find your addiction is to own up to it with God. Don't worry he still will love you just the same, its not like he falls for the hiding under the mattress thing. This isn't to really let God know about it...(You spent all day watching TV...why Janus I am shocked, I was so busy running the universe I didn't even notice...) This is to clear the air and come clean with God and yourself. In other words this is for you.
Next is find a trusted friend that you can tell this too. I know what you are thinking...Janus you are completely insane. I can't tell anyone about this. If you want it to stop hiding in darkness you have to bring it out. I have done this before and let me tell you it was a tremendous relief to not bury it. You will find that other people are hiding things too and you are not alone and you will also find if you have that trusted person that they will still like you and love you despite your flaws.
You can hear the actual big idea message on this at CCC (See hooked part 1), and it might be a tremendous help. I hope this helps somebody though at least...
Don't hide anymore, the mattress is beginning to stink from the sweat.

The Janus official "I ain't dead", weekend report

Yes it has been a long time since I have checked in to my blog, not nearly as long as it has been since I checked in elsewhere but still...
I will still be gone another day or two (maybe four) depending on things so I will have to wait to make vows of continual updates I have several reasons for this.

1) Bella is home this weekend. When your spouse only has 4 of the same days off as you in which you are home it is not that great to insist on blogging when you should be going out for dinner and stuff. Sorry the marriage kinda takes precedence over me rambling on about me. She's sleeping now though, so I can sneak over here.

2) Busy weekend We did some good stuff yesterday, and more to come today hopefully. Yesterday my wife and I got to work at helping fix up a grade school. (More on that one later probably.) Our job was to help paint the stairwells with black "Oil based paint." Needless to say if you see me or my wife with black spots on our arms that is because of paint splatter not some rare form of measles. Today I am going to church (leaving in 20 minutes), followed by going to look at some of my wife's property from her mother and figure out what to do with it (Not fun, its a bit sad really), and then I am going to see those insane people that I love despite being deranged like me aka the family. So hardly anytime to ramble other than this post.

3) Been doing doubles The last couple days of work and tomorrow I am doing a double taking care of Telly. that means I leave at 7 in the morning and come back after 9 at night. Gather that isn't hard work really, it's just long for me. So when I get home I tend to have my half asleep, I can't write mindset. You wouldn't want me to blog when I am in that state anyway, it makes this post look like Shakespeare.

4) a little lazy Wednesday last week I just was slacking, but otherwise I haven't been home.

So I have to get in the shower now and head over to the High School, I miss all you guys of course and plan to be back Monday night unless I am asleep. Then it should take me a few days to catch up on your back posts... If I am here everyday nobody posts but if I leave for a bit all of you write a few novels. that's the breaks eh.

See you on Mondayish.

The quest for rest update and weekend plans

Well today I went to the dentist to get fitted for my Bruxism appliance.

That is the medical term for "mouth guard that fits your mouth when it is a weird shape."

He asked me if I was being fitted for the Bruxism appliance and I gave him a clueless panicked stare.

"You mean the mouth guard right?"

He smiled and said yes. Bruxism Appliance sounds like some device in Frankenstein. I wanted to be sure. So before he stuck a horseshoe shaped device with a sort of disgusting plastic substance in it, I said "Bella says hi." (She used to work there, so I always have to say hi to the Doc from her.)

He then did what no one else has been able to do for a long time but wishes they could.

I had to keep my mouth closed for a whole minute.

So I get to go back in two weeks to get my new mouthguard and since I have a strange shaped jaw I have to come in to make sure it fits for about an hour. Hopefully this will keep me from grinding my teeth when I sleep which will help me sleep better and hopefully keep my jaw from hurting so much all the time.

As for my weekend, Karl is coming for the weekend. Which means the trouble with Karl is far from over. I shall do my best to be a fun and supportive friend this weekend. So I have made arrangements with work and my other commitments to make sure that I can spend my undivided attention with him.

Keep dem prayers and good thoughts rolling this way.

Drastic surgery

I know I am a few weeks behind, but this is based on a the things I wish Jesus never said topic that has been put on hold a little in Janusland.
Over a year ago and on another blog that has gone the way of the dodo I was talking about my Dad's cancer (remission and counting for over 3 years, thank God.) So when I talk about this uncomfortable theme today I don't want anyone to think that I am using poetic license to make my point more vivid.
Here is a tough verse to swallow. Mat 5:29 If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
I really don't like that verse, I have probably skipped that one to a more heartwarming part at least a dozen times. Does he literally expect us to do that? Manny asked me that once and I told him that you would have a lot of blind amputees walking around if that was what we were supposed to literally do.
This is an example of extreme language, and removal of body parts are about as extreme as we can get. We are not to literally do it (I can hear some sighs of relief out there), but if anything were to keep you from a relationship with God, let it go rather than let it hold you back. "I can't believe in God because then I might have to give up my beer bong partying and maybe make a few other changes." That may seem like a bad example, but here is mine from a few years ago.
"I can't truly believe in God and I am afraid to get closer to him because then I might have to give up my desire for revenge and anger towards people." Now looking back I realize that this sounded like a stupid reason, but at the time it made more sense. I actually avoided reading the Bible because I was afraid I would find out more things I am not allowed to do. Does keeping the anger really make me more alive? Not really. Does it help me? No. Why do I want to hold on to it? Because it is a part of me.
Going back to the cancer reference. My dad did not just wake up one morning and Shazam! he had dangerous cancer. Years ago it started out with a little heartburn, which he didn't really take notice of and just took extra tums. Then he couldn't swallow food so well, so he started avoiding harder foods and thought about seeing the doctor..A few years later he was in the ICU of a hospital and they weren't sure if he would survive.
Cancer of the esophagus was the official problem, and it nearly killed him. In fact the local doctors said it couldn't be cured and told my mom to make arrangements. My mom wouldn't give up and found a doctor that would help her. He lost half of his esophagus during the surgery when they cut out the cancer. Did he want to have them remove part of his digestive track? No. It was the only way to keep him from dying though, so that is what they did.
Sin is like a cancer. It starts out minor but eventually it gets stronger and stronger until it becomes a part of you that will destroy you. No one starts out in life generally planning to be the most corrupt and evil person they can, it starts with a little heartburn. It goes to scar tissues and sores, and eventually it hardens into cancer. If you don't do something about it eventually your minor problem will end up killing you.
Get rid of what holds you back, because it doesn't just slow you down, it eventually will stop you. I don't want anyone to do some civil war era surgery on themselves after reading this so I will make it clear. It isn't the body part that is causing the problem, it is choices and the things internally that are causing it. If something is holding you, ask God to help you remove it, and work on it when is just a little itch or a little heartburn.
Dad is still doing well but we have to constantly wonder if it will come back. Sometimes you will have to remove it several times, but you will be glad you did. I am not instantly a better person, I still get angry and mean spirited from time to time. It gets a little easier each day I take the treatment though. My surgery in the heart saved my life too.
Do you need to see a doctor?

Gone for the day and the number 13

Today my sister in law Lynn comes out and we are going to a concert. I forget who is actually playing but I am going along. I enjoyed my last concert so I am not too worried, I like to be pleasantly surprised. My cat will still be around though if you need to drop off a package.
I read in yahoo about people having a fear for the number 13 (Triskaidekapobia) as one of the feature articles today. It is a slow day for news when the highlight is that the president is recovering from a procedure involving a scope. (Ow)
With Triskaidekapobia I often wonder, who sits around and names the new phobias when they come up. This is an old phobia but they name every phobia when it happens. For example, if I fear Sea Monkeys I would have Artemiaphobia (The fear of brine shrimp.) Hopefully that is rare.
The fear of 13 doesn't make sense of me unless I live near Camp Crystal Lake during the summer. So I wonder how many people still fear the number? a lot of buildings don't even have a 13th floor. Well they do but they call it the 14th floor. So whatever evil power that will harm me on the 13th floor won't happen because I renamed the floor to another number? That sounds like hiding under the blankets from monsters because werewolves can't get me through Snoopy sheets or something.
They don't really know where this fear is from anyway. Some say the number of disciples at the last supper (Judas was 13) some thing has something to do with the execution of the Knights Templar. I have no idea, so it seems silly to me to be afraid of something that I don't know why I should be.
Now snakes, I can understand the fear of that. They are just plain creepy.

Empathy and Focus and Downtown Madness

I had a good day today but found out my good friend Karl is going through a rough patch with his life. I have felt down since. I am not sure if it is healthy to get depressed about other people being depressed.
I was smiling and talking at work as usual, but I felt fake and detached. I couldn't really think about where I was but more about how I couldn't fix Karl's problems.
They say God loves us but also grieves when we grieve.
Being so many of us, he must be quite miserable at times.
I am still feeling a bit down about things, but I did get a little better after I drove through downtown. Which took me a half hour longer than normal.
I saw people dressed in costume waiting for Harry Potter's book and I suddenly realized that I could be worse.
Not to offend anyone of course, but I have never actually gotten to the point where I dress up a book character and wait 5 hours for them to start selling a book. I can wait about 5 months when they have about 1,000,000 copies for sale and no line.
Lord Voldemort the Dark Lord jaywalked in front of me and almost got sent to the deathly hollows by my Buick. Honestly I like the books too, but I am not willing to die to get them before everyone else.
At least this is the last book and the insanity is almost over. That is unless she decides to write "Harry Potter and the Jr. College of Certain Death" and work it another 4 books. Millions of dollars per book I certainly would consider it. Call me a hack but I wouldn't mind being her agent.

Janus slacking off again as usual.

Yes I am am aware it has been a whole week.
I tend to wander.
This is great for getting ideas for writing at times, but makes me a really lousy babysitter.
So you don't think I am totally useless I will just fill you in a little bit with what I have going on at the moment in Janusland.

Last week I was social!? It's true, I met with several folks for dinner or caffeine consumption sessions. I was determined to get out of my house and break my pattern of sitting on my chair all day and staring at this screen. Besides I love hanging out with these guys and hearing about whats going on with them, truthfully I have to make myself go out also. I am a net junkie at heart. That's why I prefer coffee and Applebees and not just sending long winded emails. Getting to know people better is good right? right.
I was volunteering. I enjoy contributing on other things, it gives me a happy warm feeling. Remind me of that when I have to get up at 6 in the morning to do it. Mcdonalds has some great cold coffee though. Mmm ...Hazelnutty caffieny goodness.
I am finishing up school. Last day of class this Wednesday, and I am doing 2-3 assignments per week. Creative writing isn't too much pressure, but since I am trying to get an "A" I am taking it a little serious probably. This week I have 2 assignments left. I hope I get ideas soon. They normally happen about Monday night though, giving me time to belt things out.
I am sleeping. Yes, I finally got sleeping pills after 30 years of putting it off. They really work too if I close my eyes and turn off the lights I am off. I feel refreshed much more and less foggy. The only side effect is I have more energy so I am more hyper at times. Sorry to everyone else around me.
Other jobs need my attention. Game reviews, getting others in for meetings, writers conference in November to plan, Reading 120 pages of design notes in a sitting from Manny, and tracking Jose across the United States to ask him to clarification on something he sent me a week ago.
I got a day planner and an inbox now, I am really on the fast track! Just don't ask me how full the inbox is.
I am avoiding thinking about stressful stuff. I wish it worked.