Saturday, March 22, 2008

Ffrazzled and recovery. (Aka where I was for a week)

Well I dealt with someone on Wednesday that I haven't dealt with for 6 years or so, and it was a bit harder than I expected. Praying for peace and words before hand is always a good practice. I really never know what I am doing, good thing for me God does.
Still despite things going "Not so bad" I have had a problem relaxing even worse than usual, I don't how I am going to make it to May. I was going to decompress a bit yesterday but had company until about 9:00.
I love company, but I am that Introvert no matter how hard I try not to be, and I don't really relax with anyone else around that easily. It doesn't mean I don't love and like people, but I am a hermit when I rest.
I talked to James (Something I haven't done for a long time since things have been so crazy) and we did some catching up. James was amazingly patient and understanding...I think he is finally getting old and mellowing out (like I kind of did.)
I had coffee with my friend Allen this morning, and other than the waking up part, It was good. I feel more at peace after having a sounding board, though I feel a bit odd confiding in people still.
Torrell men are not famous for that "Sharing stuff." I am the loudest of course in my family but I always feel like I am a downer or obnoxious so avoid that sharing stuff.
My wife and I went to the Gym today, and yesterday. If I had life insurance I might question if she is trying to kill me since I am not Mr. Activity. I am doing well though and it feels good actually!
Well other than my calve muscles.
It feels like someone was smacking them with a baseball bat.
I had a massage and a chiropractor appointment afterwards which helps.
I am also proud of myself for being able to jog about a 1.8 miles in 18 minutes, which for me is amazing, though probably pretty mediocre for most people. I am the guy that skipped gym class for most of school though so that is about the equivalent of winning a contest for me.
Who knows if I do this long enough I might sleep like a baby.

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Sunday, March 09, 2008

Winding down

Well I did my emails and I am doing my dinner and tea.

Wish me luck.

Thanks again to Frodo and Snag for your suggestions, I will let you know if they work for me after I test em.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Restless Janus again

What else is new...I am not able to sleep lately

I have been getting about 4-5 hours a night pretty much every night this week so I am zonked.

So I am taking a brief break from my exciting moment of browning beef and cleaning the kitchen to blog and ask help from my readers...I think all 5 or 6 of you maybe? (It is hard to tell you guys aren't very loud.) So if you want to try it I am asking for your imput. Because the internet is full of people with experience of some sort.

Let me tell you what I have already tried and what I am trying.

Ambien or Xanax. Yeah I have resorted to doctors. Even the Ambien or Xanax seems to be weaker. I might be immune to it, or it might be that I am too wound up that I can't relax even with modern science. I can't take both together, Bella would revive me from my coma and put me in another one if I did that. Mixing pills and/or drinks are not good. I don't want to relax that much...

Restful exercise. It wakes me up more than it relaxes me

quit caffeine about 4 months help

I am considering listening to relaxing ocean sounds and sea gulls...hopefully it won't make Bella and I need to use the bathroom instead of relax us.

Now...if any of my friends, family, or random wandering reader wants to give me a suggestion I am all ears. Please don't say "Reduce your stress" if I could do that, I would of done it about 30 years ago.


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Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Looking up

Things are already looking up....though I am slammed getting ready for tomorrow.

Thanks for everyone for checking in


restless night sighs

It is 2 am and I pace the wooden floors of my house with the click clack sounds of Sammy following behind me.

The sleeping pills may kick in soon. My mind is alive and everywhere at once tonight. My thoughts on the ones I love on the other side of the country, My heart feels for good friends that are facing tough times, my heart thinks of my lovely wife asleep behind me.

I fear the future and uncertainty. Normally I am not long seeing and I am able to go for the ride. To see and anticipate the worst is hell in itself. God is in control. God is in control, I just wish he would fill me in a bit on whats going on.

I spent a lot of time here at 2:30 in the morning once. I never thought I could feel about so much people and feel so helpless. I wish I knew what I could do to make things better. Half my life I was able to do so much good and I didn't, now I wish I could do some good and I am unable to.

I need to do something...anything. Perhaps tomorrow.

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