Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Cultured Janus aka Janus goes to a play.

Saturday and part of Sunday involved putting the last of our things in a box. Now I can finally relax a bit...well until we have to move all this crap back in. I have been living on love, take out food, and motrin for the last week. The good news is my hand stopped tingling, the bad news is now it just really hurts.
Jose and his wife came out and we decided to see a play at the CCC Yellowbox my church/coffee shop/special events center of things.
The play was called "Our Town" which was a play about the life about folks in a small town through a generation from childhood, marriage, and death. It is much easier to watch than it is for me to describe.
I realized that I had seen this play before back in the city where I used to live near. I realized though that the play I saw at Sunday seemed to be more enjoyable and more well acted. Perhaps it is my faulty memory or perhaps it is because I know some of the actors, but the play was really something special to me and seemed better this time around.
It had a somewhat sad ending and Jose whispered to me "I want to cry, this is really good."
After it was done we had to console ourselves with some all you can eat Mongolian stir fry. I had my usually 30 pounds of meat and a carrot mix, while everyone else ate more healthy. Then we were full and quite consoled or something like that.
I need to go to plays more often, it was great. For a few hours I was able to forget my back and enjoy myself. It was just plain great.

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Sunday, September 23, 2007

Intimacy with God

As I said earlier you not only to bond and be close to other people but you need to do the same with God.

This is for the same reason you need intimacy with other people, you were made that way.

Blaise Pascal (a famous French dude) said (paraphrasing here) that we have a God shaped hole in the heart of every person. This is tough for some people people to believe but I have learned through my own experience that it is true.

Everyone tries to find a "god" to fill this hole. Some try the gods (or idols really) of money, fame, power, sex, drugs, material things, and even the god called noble causes. They will find though that no matter what they do or get they never truly satisfied by these things/

Success on your own will never be enough.

Now I am going to use my brother Ed again as an example. Ed is the most successful person I know (materially at least), which is why I use him a lot as an example. He is a hard worker and he earned his success honestly and I am proud of him for that.

Though he is successful though he is always feeling empty and hopes that his next achievement will give him the satisfaction he seeks. He does something even better the next time around..and the next. At the end of the day though he feels no closer than when he started.

So how big is a God shaped hole you ask?

Well God is infinitely larger than we can imagine. So I am going to give you a totally inadequete illustration to try to give you a visual. (Cue imagination music.)

On the top of this post you see a picture of the Grand Canyon. The Grand Canyon is 277 miles long, 4-18 miles across (depending on where you are), and attains a depth of more than a mile. (For my metric readers that is 446 kilometers long, 6.4 to 24 kilometers wide, and 1.6 kilometers deep.) That is a pretty big canyon no matter who you ask.

I have visited this canyon three times in my life. On a business trip, on my honeymoon, and when my mom was 6 months pregnant with me (my view was obscured on that one.) I can tell you from experience that no picture can ever truly show you the Canyon. It is too large to fathom in a photograph.

Now, back to my example of filling a God shaped hole. Let us imagine filling the Grand Canyon with a gallon jug of kitty litter until it is full. Not counting the cost of kitty litter, gasoline, and chiropractor bills it is very much insane to imagine. Now imagine a God that is so huge that the Canyon is no more than a puny puddle on the ground.

Do you think another Mercedes would fill it? That is the futility of trying to fill your own needs.

My wife is wonderful and I have some great friends, but I know God is the only one that can fill that God shaped hole in me. No one else can fill it, and it isn't reasonable to even ask them to try. This is a hole that we all have. So how do you fill it?

You ask him to fill it, but be warned if you mean it he will answer. He is love and he is huge and sometimes that will scare you.

Good news is he loves you anyway so save yourself some time and a lot of kitty litter and ask without fear.

I asked and I can't imagine going back.

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Saturday, September 22, 2007

Intermission post- This topic is affecting me funny

I noticed I have said fishy a few times in the last few days, and it is becoming a little scary.

Later on I am going to finish the intimacy thing off, and not a moment too soon. This post is a bit too soft for me not to mention it is hard to laugh at.

I need to change topics before I become the John Tesh Blog or something.


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A few little tidbits to help you get closer to people.

Well I promised I would talk up some about forming better bonds and connecting and all that the other day so I figured why not. Sure I have no formal education in this field but I figure if I bulge my eyes and talk to you slow and loud that I can pretend to be Dr. Phil or something.
So why not.
First off I want to point out that I hate the words bonds and connecting, it sounds too much like a shrink. So we will just call it "Getting to know non-terrible people better" or something odd like that.
Second of all while I am not writing this from a book, you have probably heard most if not all of these from someone before. Sorry I don't have anything secret and certain to work, if I did I would probably sell it, make money, not go to work anymore and just bang on the drum all day.

Here are the Non-Terrible people get to knower thingees.

To have a friend you must be a friend. Repeat after me. Duh. Everyone has heard this one, I think they have been saying it since as long as people have been around. But it is true, you can't expect someone to embrace your friendship if you aren't putting effort into it. It is work and sometimes very hard work.
Don't just pretend to care about someone, try to actually do it. Easier said than done, but when you really do care I think people can tell. When you are pretending I think they can tell too.
No one can make friends for you but you. People can introduce you to other people, you might get invited to a social activity, your parents might want you to date the nice girl that they met. Ultimately though you have to make the move and you have to feel the chemistry and all that stuff. No one else can do it for you. You can be lead to water but no one can make you drink. Yeah you got it lets move on.

New friendships involve risk. Really anything worthwhile and long term involves some sort of risk and making friends is no exception. It is like asking for a date in someways. What are you doing tomorrow? Would you like to grab a coffee? Yes they can maybe say no or take a raincheck but at least ask if you want to hang out. People don't normally sit around going,"Hey that guy standing around like he wants to ask me something...he might want to go for coffee!" People don't respond to telepathy. Take a chance and talk.

Patience and Time. Great friendships don't happen instantly. You might have a good talk right away and feel like good friends, but lets get real. It takes time for these things to mature. Friendships are made of being a good friend and having someone be a good friend to you and doing that for a while. You have to be consistent and build up that trust and closeness, just have to let things roll. Anything worth a crap isn't normally quick.

Be Honest I don't mean that you have to tell every embarrassing thing you ever did to your friend, in fact I am sure he is better off not knowing about a lot of that stuff. You do have to be honest though since any type of relationship you can have in life tends to go bad for you and the people around you when it is built on a lie. Delusions are not the way to makes friends and it is not good for yourself either. Reality bites but fantasy doesn't even exist. Start out on the right foot, keep it real.

Buy a round once in a while. This refers to paying for activities, not just going to bars. It is ok if someone wants to buy you dinner once in a while but it is important to also contribute and even treat your friend. It keeps things mutual and it keeps you from the temptation of the leech persona. You have to have give or take to make things work, so be sure to pull your weight.

Remember the cardinal rules of compromise. When it comes to a disagreement or difference of opinion (which inevitably will happen) if it is not too important, agree to disagree. If it is important than sit down and work it out. Learn how to tell the difference between important and not important opinions. Be diplomatic.

Be wary of anyone that leads you away from other people. A friend will understand that you have other friends and will not normally get upset about that. Some folks have met the Stalker/Co Dependant type that insists on having your undivided attention. Don't exclude the other friends because you met a new one. If your new friend insists on being the only person in your life it is unhealthy and fishy to say the least. Don't allow anyone to have this much control over your life.

Be Safe I don't need to remind you that we got some crazy people out there and that for a friend like a potential date you just have to be mindful of the risks. Get to know people slowly and keep it to a public place until they have proven to be worthy of trust. Can never be too careful.

Well hope something out of this is of any help to someone. I am off to dreamland.

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Thursday, September 20, 2007

Janus is tired (and possibly in need of medical attention)

Need Sleep...up late last night moving boxes. Sick of boxes.

(Sleep murmurs) Making dinner for Bella, then off to sleep.

I have felt numbness in my hands and my finger tips feel like I am falling asleep. Bella has told me that it is probably a pinched nerve and I got an appointment Saturday. I decided to be on the safe side I decided to enter my symptoms onto the search engine

slight discoloration

the official verdict is "Snake Bite"

Thank you internet, if it wasn't for Google I wouldn't realize that a snake bit me or something and I am slowly dying. I don't know when it bit me, it might of been when I was moving the waffle iron into a packing box. (Copperheads like waffles.) I might of got bit when I was pulling jammed paper out of the copier today since Tray 4 is the favorite hiding spot of the Green Mamba in which case I should be dead alrea...

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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Get to know who is who around you

So the other day I said we need intimacy because we are made that way. Later on I will talk how to hopefully grow a bit with that one. I realize that the longer I start writing this the more stuff I think of to say, and since I don't have a podcast or 20 minutes to talk I have been trying to cut pieces here and there.
Today I wanted to introduce you to the types of people. This isn't from any book I know so pardon me while I just kind of make this up. Even if it isn't in any book that I have read there are types of people out there. Before you can look at who is good to be more intimate with and who you should not you need to get to know deeply, examine these types and learn which ones the people around you fit into.

The enemy. I don't think you need me to really explain this one too much. An enemy not only doesn't like you but does what they can to make your life miserable. The difference between the enemy and the others is intention. You hopefully will not have too many of these in your life, but an enemy isn't an accidental case. It is intentional.
So you pray for your enemies, and you love them for being broken human beings. You don't go out of your way to bond or confide in them though for obvious reasons.

The Rival. The rival is a much higher step from enemy really. While the enemy is trying to destroy you just for destroying sake, the rival isn't so personal about things. The rival is only an enemy in a specific area. Like football, a lady (or man), or a different school. More times than not after the event that makes you rivals passes the rival can become a buddy or friend, because you have the same interests (Which is why you are rivals in the first place.)

The Co-dependent/Stalker Co-dependent is not always a stalker and vice versa, but they often come to the same conclusion. Some people out there with low self esteem or who are particularly delusional form this bond with people. This person molds and shapes their life and efforts around you. If you are a leech/opportunist this makes them easy prey for a while and you can really ride the gravy train on this one, if you are a kinder soul you will tend to downplay or ignore this person. Regardless of your approach though, always treat this person with caution.
When the game is over, and eventually it will always get to that point. This person usually feels betrayed or used, and you might not even have done anything to them per say. This person is not based on reality and if they suddenly feel betrayed they can either become suicidal and/or depressed or they can become an enemy. Tread lightly around this one.
Don't encourage this falsehood, but be careful.

The opportunist/leech Most of us have been this to someone at least once in our life. These are ones you avoid like the plague, their kindness and friendliness towards you is for mercenary reasons. Sometimes they don't realize it but usually they do. These are the ones that are wanting to borrow money (and never pay it back) or accept gifts from the stalker/codependant types all knowing that they are taking advantage of the weaknesses of others. In many ways this type is the worst, because with enemies and rivals you normally know where you stand.
Tread lightly around this one as well, because as people wise up to the leech and he or she starts to have people and material benefits withdraw one by one this person can easily shift into an enemy too or become dangerous. You don't enable them but don't turn your back on them either. A desperate leech is the most common type of resident in prisons.
Some careers actually exist based on the leech persona so be careful, the majority of hard sell salesman, strippers, prostitutes and other professions that involve using wiles and trying to get as much as one can with the least amount of effort on their part tend to gravitate to this persona.
Needless to say I don't really recommend you pursue this type of persona. In the long run it is only going to bring you down.

The Acquaintance Simply put these are the majority of the people in the world. They are people you don't really know and you might say hello to. You might even know their name and they might know yours but this does not make you anything more. Eventually if you get to know someone they may remain this way by mutual assent, or they (or you) will gravitate to the other roles. Use good judgment with anyone that you don't know that well.

The buddy This is a person that you get along with that happens to share common interests (or a common direction) with you. We have heard of bar-buddies, drinking buddies, travel buddies, internet buddies, and so on. You may or may not even know the name of your buddy.
a buddy is much like a friend in many ways. You can talk for hours about things (usually your common interests) and you can hang out on occasion. It is a mutual partnership of convenience for someone doing the same activity or going the same direction.
Where the buddy fails to be a friend is in the area of inconvenience. You might be a great guy to hang out with but he isn't going to ask you over for a BBQ for certain. If you have a problem the buddy generally doesn't want to be a part of it and may become uncomfortable or even annoyed with you for trying to involve them. When the going gets tough the buddy usually gets going. Having buddies isn't a bad thing, but know where you stand.

The Friend Finally we have the friend, this is usually a buddy or acquaintance that has earned this distinction through time spent together and forming bonds. The Friend is not always going to be there when you need them either, because they do have their own life. When it comes down to the important stuff and when you really truly are against a wall the friend will do everything they can do to help you deal with it.
A friend remains a friend much like a wedding vow, in sickness and health, richer or poorer...all that sort of thing. A fair-weather friend is actually a buddy. a true friend is all season and even when it is not easy. A friend will also tell you when you are wrong and being stupid.
Sometimes you may prefer a buddy to a friend when you are wanting to do things your own way or live in denial, but a friend is ultimately the only one that can help you past this stage. Ultimately with friends it has to be mutual, give and take. if you are not on the same page, eventually it will fall apart and go to one of the other categories.

Now talking about God a little today, in the bible Jesus says he is your friend. Many people say Jesus is my friend which is true, but how many people can say they are the same for him? Chew on that one for a while. Think deeply about the people in your life and think to yourself. "Self, what is my real relation with these people and what is their real relation with me."
It is scary but ultimately worth it. Next time I will write about some very basic things about how to improve those bonds (that should be improved) and things you can do to grow in your healthy relationships and friendships

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Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Janus on the road again

Sorry to keep you waiting. I have a lot of moving to do in the next two days so the contractor can work and also have meetings so keep checking I hope to send more updates very soon, but didn't want to leave you in suspense. Somedays I can write at work, somedays I can't these days.

Until then check out my links, they got some interesting stuff going on everywhere but with me.

Also for those on my yahoo messenger that have been w0ndering why I have been so antisocial my father in law's computer doesn't have a messenger on it (at least this one) so emails, phone calls, and notes stuck on my door with a dagger will have to do for now.

See ya sooner or later, hopefully sooner.

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Monday, September 17, 2007

An Introduction to the need of intimacy

Before we go too far here, I just want to give you the definition of the key word in this post "Intimacy." My 40 year old Websters dictionary at work says "The state of being intimate" (I really do hate it when they do that in the dictionary.) and "Sexual relations" is definition two.
It may surprise you though to know that it also means "Innermost, familiar, closely related, close, and closeness."
It is this definition that we are talking about the next few days. It is important for you to know what I mean. When I ask if you are intimate with people, I am referring to closeness and bonding. If your Grandma Edna asks if you are intimate with your new girlfriend...well you better check to see which definition she is using.
As humans we are made for intimacy with other people. We are a package set and not like a fork and knife, more like chopsticks. You can eat without a knife but try just using one chopstick. (In my case try using chopsticks at all, I need the cheater ones.)
In Genesis, God says "It is not good for man to be alone." He is saying this before he saw that I wouldn't eat properly, cut my hair, turn off the Playstation, and shave for days without Bella stopping my madness. He is referring to humans in general. We are really made to be close to others as well as God.
While Hollywood and motivational speakers may tell you that it is wrong to "need" other people this is not true. We are designed that way as social creatures.
Yes it is wrong to be extremely dependent as much as it is to be a crazed loner. We all need times to be ourselves and alone but do not forget that you need time with others and relationships.
People who don't understand the need to connect intimately with others tend to look for intimacy in unhealthy ways. The girl (or guy) that sleeps around because they aren't satisfied being alone and want to feel connected, the teenage girl who wants a baby to have someone love her, the husband (or wife) seeking gratification from another person. They all find pseudo-intimacy and eventually realize that it does not sate or fill any desires but in fact normally leaves someone with more problems than when they started.
We'll talk a little about healthy connections later.
Isolation is not a good thing or the answer. They put people in solitary confinement to punish them, you tend to hear about sociopath loners a good deal more often than loving socially adjusted ax-murderers. If you are away from people long enough you start talking to Wilson the Volleyball.
You get the point.
Connecting with other people isn't an option, it is a requirement. Even if being a loner looks neat in Clint Eastwood movies.

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Sunday, September 16, 2007

Moving Mania and Running Video

I hate moving.
I think it is even worse when it is only temporary. That means all these oodles of boxes and crap are going to have to be put right back into our house when it is done.
Second floor is great if you don't want to be flooded but a nightmare when you have to carry stuff down the stairs. I am livin' on Motrin.
You never realize how much crap you have until you have to move it.
It will be better soon, I hope and pray.

Did video for the High School services today, and that went better. The more I do it the easier it seems to be, though I like to keep some pressure so I can be motivated to pay attention. I think I am beginning to figure it out, but still not at the point where I don't frantically make sure that Eric is within shouting distance if I suddenly blow something up. Good thing the teachers are pretty patient, if it was my coworker James he would of swore at everyone and did it himself.

I was fun and some folks came up to me and said "Good job" Which is nice and embarrassing at the same time. I just say Thank you very much and don't say that about anyone with use of their hands could probably do the same or better. Maybe I have something natural that I bring to work that I don't know about, I don't see anything though.

So sorry to not give a more exciting update, but I am sleepy and I have to work a double tomorrow. See ya soon

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Friday, September 14, 2007

The year recap/Janus Clip show

Wow has it been a year? It really has? Over a year in fact and I was so lazy and busy (Sometimes both at the same time) I wasn't even aware that a year has passed. Let us recap a little.
I ranted a lot about nothing
I gave lots of loving advice to my sister's kids
I apparently have mellowed out a bit (a remark from someone reading my older posts)
Rob and I went out for beer a couple times
I explained how to say "Janus Torrell" a few times and gave up trying.
I still occasionally meet someone that thinks my parents are cruel enough to really name me Janus Torrell.
I became wealthy and influential
I got a real job (1 year anniversary in October)
I got engaged and married to Bella
I killed over an acre of trees printing programs on Thursdays
My friends Troy and Janet moved to Kansas City
People I don't even know yet call me by my real name, that is amazing to me still that people actually know who I am.
I got rid of my van, was given a car, lost it.
I got a Buick that makes me look twenty years older.
I went back to school
We are remodeling the house
I met a lot of amazing people online and in person.

To another year folks, thanks for your visiting and support.

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Thursday, September 13, 2007

Janus at base camp

Well for those wondering what is going on, I am at my Father in Laws house. My first night we were in a guest bedroom with a bed that looked a lot bigger when you are not in it. Add Bella and add three little dogs that don't want to be alone and you got about as much stretching space as that wooden coffin in Kill Bill Volume 2. (A Janus blog first, one of my long rants citing a Quentin Tarentino film.)
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling like I got beat up by 88 ruthless warriors (Sorry that is Volume 1.) So I went to my 2nd Chiropractor/Massage appointment. I was meaning to tell you about the first one. My Chiropractor is a little Russian lady who is very strong, she is one you want on your side if you got in one of those World Cup riots I read about. She helped me a lot, but I still feel really really sore.
Anyway I got off topic...We are still moving our crap. 8 boxes or so at a time before they start the big remodel job, and I can't wait til it is all done. The animals are a little overwhelmed and the cat is meowing trying to figure out where she is. I can relate.
It was spiffy for my Father in law to offer us use of the house, but I don't quite feel at home really. Since when I say I am at "Home" I don't want to confuse people with my real house and my house for the month I just call it "Base Camp." I miss home, even with my gross carpet that we are tearing out and my totally groovy old blue trim cabinets.
Today I went in to refill my pills with the doctor and she asked me about my anxiety after about 2 minutes she wrote me a perscription for anti-anxiety drugs.... I guess I am feeling a little stressed.
Well I got to go to bed and work in the morning...at least it is at the same place and I don't have to pack boxes.

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Friday, September 07, 2007

Can't I just read a book anymore?

So I went for lunch at Rob's today and we had a good talk and read Mr Lewis.

After that I had a few hours before work so I decided I would go to the library and read some classical literature stuff. Milton's "Paradise Lost." It is not a bad read if you like really long and pious poems...it is creative but I wouldn't base my whole understanding of the history of the universe on it really. This is one of those books that I read in High school and I still don't really like it that much.
Some guy with his three kids came into the library and I couldn't get into the book even if I wanted to. Now I am not the meanest old geezer in the library but if you are going to take your kids into the library at least pretend to pay attention to them. This guy is checking his email while his kids are running around and screaming at each other and one of them even jumped up on the table I was reading on.
The law prohibits me from beating other people's children. The librarians just kept working business as usual.
What happened in the last twenty years? My parents weren't the toughest parents in the world with me and I could be a little loud (still can be,) but really if I did that stuff that those kids did back then- my mom would of dragged me out to the car and later that night my father would spank, yell, and ground the everlovin' crap out of me. Librarians also used to tell you to be quiet and you used to be terrified of the crusty old lady with the wierd hairy thing growing on her nose.
Well with their dad not doing anything and the librarians too busy pretending to be deaf I had enough. I gave the kid my most irritated forehead scrunch and bit my teeth together which I do when I am thinking but everyone assumes I am mad when I do that. Watched him back up and suddenly shut up and run to another section of the library.
I went upstairs then and looked around and saw all the kids books. I wish I grew up in a town like this when I was little because I would have loved to read all of the books. I also want to write a kids book someday (someday...sigh) so I always like to see what's popular. I hadn't even walked into the room when a librarian walked up to me and asked me if I needed help.
"Just looking around, thanks," I said with a smile.
"Adult fiction and reference are downstairs," she said not returning a smile and a tone I did not care for, "The elevator and stairs are back that way."
I realized that I am a 30 year old man with no children with him and that the librarian probably was concerned about that. Apparently I look dangerous or in need of help because she kept staring at me until I backed away from the best seller kids fiction display rack. I didn't say anything or do anything threatening but I was getting irritated with everyone in general in that library today.
So I went to Internet Cafe at the Yellow Box at the church building, where I could have a tea, write a blog to complain about the library, no children were running around while parents ignored the little beasts, and people don't follow me around expecting me to steal something or kidnap children.
Thank goodness for the Ground Level Cafe....iced tea fixes everything.

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Thursday, September 06, 2007

Janus FAQs Prt 2

1. Why are you not updating very much? Well doing a lot of doubles again, getting ready to move (for a month), and this Playstation isn't going to play itself

2. Ok what game are you playing when you should be working? Castlevania SOTN, it's a bit addictive.

3. When will you write a real addition to your blog? Probably Friday night or Saturday

4. How is the writing going? Very slowly, but going.

5. What is the story with this remodeling? Bella and I are having the house fixed up a bit for our enjoyment and also to improve the value so we can sell it and move into another house someday. We are 1) Having all the rooms painted, 2) Redoing all the floors, 3) New doors and windows, 4) Getting rid of the old crappy bathroom walls and ceiling and replacing with some tile. It will be like a new house. Next step is cabinets for kitchen, we shall see.

6. Where are you going to be during this remodeling? At my Father in Laws, he is out of town.

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Monday, September 03, 2007

Happy Labor day

Today is Labor Day so I am going to celebrate it by working on packing everything I can in the house. Government workers and labor union folks celebrate the day called Labor day by not doing any, and much of the rest of the land is doing home improvement projects.
We have a lot of people coming according to my last phone call to help us move, which is good because I am hurting alot and all the trips down the stairs is going to hurt. All the help would be great.
From my regulars Jose and his family is coming, Karl and his daughter were coming but his little one is not feeling well. I have no idea who my wife all invited.

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