I haven't vanished yet.

I realize it's been a day or two and didn't want people to think I vanished again.

Tonight I went through the purple folder, which has got all my scattered notes and stuff that I take from other notebooks, scratchbooks, print outs, written on envelopes, and cocktail napkins that have my unfinished projects.

Based on me, I have a lot of unfinished projects. Some of them will be burned and hopefully never see the light of day. Others, might grace the public (if grace is the word for it.)

Considering I have about 400 pages of random notes my little hour a night of working on these things might take a while to organize. Nothing I could find that was short and useful here, and I am getting tired. So I think I will turn in.

Purple folder back to file. Time for bed.

New Years

I realize that things are missing from my life and soul lately and I have had a week of mandatory resting to remember what it is I am.

I want to be a writer again. I don't have to be rich and famous (Note: I don't mind though, really if it happens, at least as far as I can tell, it hasn't happened yet.) I just need to get my ideas out of my head into paper (or a screen more likely) and maybe just maybe I might be able to do something with it.

But why do today what I can put off tomorrow. Let me set January for my start up time. I might also give myself a new name. A name people can pronounce. A name that will not make me sound like a 73 year old Grandma that makes cookies for the kids. ....I probably won't because that would require work, but its a possibility.

Hopefully I still will have readers, and I haven't been declared dead like my High school class believes (More on that some other time.) I am coming back.....hopefully in a few days.

Look out web, here comes Janus Torrell...again.

The "I hope they had insurance" award goes to....

It took Architects, draftsmen, masons, woodworkers, and hundreds of laborers ninety years to build the Church of Corcuetoes in Navarrete Spain .

The day after it was completed in 1625, it collapsed.

Suddenly my job doesn't feel so hopeless eh.

Great gifts for under $30 dollars.

Yahoo had an article today called Great gifts under 30 dollars. Besides a puzzle and a magic 8 ball they didn't have much beyond makeup and exotic soap which is usually put in a drawer somewhere. As an act of community service I am going to give all of you some gift ideas for the holidays.

Gift Certificates For the movies, for the mall, for a good dining place, or even a taxidermist as far as I know. When in doubt give them something they can spend their own way. Impersonal it may seem, but would you rather have soap shaped like zoo animals?

Money The universal gift certificate. I never hear anybody go...Oh man do I have to have money again? I was hoping for a new party girl clutch. (I thought a clutch was a car part, until yahoo opened my eyes.)

Wine You can get an average drinkable wine for under 30 dollars or far less. If the wine is cheap get a few of them. They might not use them every day but it still beats a soap on a rope and Mr. Potato head.

Games Board games can be fun if they like games. Something that kids and adults can both love.

Do something nice and personal Make a special dinner or 5, make something (good) that you are able to, fix that stupid screen door. Something meaningful that they appreciate. Note. If you are supposed to fix your own screen door and she has been asking you to do that for 3 months, it doesn't count. I am talking about someone elses screen door.

Everyone needs to do a job search once in a while

Working with a fury

Work is slow. Very slow.

So I am searching for more. Right now I am in a long drawn out expensive fight for someone else. It matters to me, but matters to him much more.

So got to update my resume.

Got to grind.

Got to try not to panic.

I got my books, I got my brain, and lately I got my rage.

Now if I can only not look really angry while I am grinding out there, and just get things done.

I need to get things done.

Janus sends his regards

Well Bloggers, I am heading out West again.

I am alternating between excited and terrified as I face the past and future at the same time.

Bella and I leave tomorrow afternoon, and hopefully then I will have my brain back.

Chiiiiili night!

Woohoo got to make a big old pot of chili tonight. That may not sound so amazin' but it has been forever.

I have had two long term house guests that cannot eat beans, so I felt bad making chili in front of them if they can't eat it too.

Plus, when it is hot out, Bella hates it when I use the oven since it makes the whole house hotter than a jungle.

So, I got dinner done on time and well, and got to make one of my favorites!

....as you can tell, it has been a slow day.

Today's exciting headlines.

Don't have a lot of time so I will have to look at yahoo headlines.

Miley Cyrus is acting up Oh heavens what is the world coming to, if she doesn't settle down I will have to return the Hannah Montana sleeping bag, purse, and flamethrower that I recently got. I can't imagine a Disney "actress" acting up. I hope she settles down like Lindsay Lohan.

Huge Diamond Discovered. No big deal, I can't afford it. Maybe they will make it the official Hannah Montana Diamond and sell it.

NFL Player with a bad rep calls Miami player "Dirty." Well I guess that guy would know. With all the football going on that is the top headline.

America's tastiest chocolate chip cookie. At last a real article. Go cookies!

Where did the real news go?

Dee leeted

Had something, changing my mind. Deleted old post.

I guess I should say something else in this space to fill it in.

How about Orange Julius

Janus considers his career plan

Today is one of them days. Two of my clients had to get medical attention. (Not from anything I did or didn't do...don't worry.) I am often reminded of just how unstable working with the elderly can be.

Two in one day though is a bit of a surprise for me nonetheless.

I need a job where I feel less attached to people. Perhaps I should consider being a probation officer.

Nah.

I need to write a few best sellers and retire in relative obscurity. How's that for a career plan?

I never really did get around to the career plan thing.

Somedays I wish I had.

By request He man and the bat mobile

Don't ever say that I don't take requests. Seriously though, I might have to lay off the pictures for a while. I am feeling rather cheap and lazy with my blogging.

Well now I know why I felt bad last night. Stomach bug strikes again. Don't worry though I am sleeping and I am feeling better already.

In fact I am a little hungry.

Closed for weekend

Well, I am off for the weekend.


Keep my seat for me

Perspective

I am really charged up from some encouraging news about my situation. I am smiling again and I am feeling more confident these last few days.

My problem still looms ahead, but I had a talk with the expert and I was reassured. I have been surrounded by many friends and family as of late that have let me know that not only am I not alone but I am thought of.

I just wish I was able to help those that are closer to the fire. My heart aches for those that are thrown into this situation but do not feel the support and strength I am feeling right now. I wish I knew how to help them, I can only pray for them.

I wish my old anger and unforgiving part of me would stay away. After years of being scared and feeling powerless I am tempted to want to gloat at my opposition. I need to keep my perspective. This isn't a win or lose battle for my own sake. This is for them.

I will not let this turn into my petty sweet revenge. This is not about me damnit, this is about them. This is for God, this is for them.

This is for him.

God please help me be the right way, God please help me do things for the right reasons.

Let me give him what he deserves. Let me be who I need to be.

Thanks for all the folks that have been praying and keeping me in mind all this time. Despite the long silences. Please keep praying and thinking of me. You are making a difference.

Muesday Night Blues

Well today I went into the office and I sorted mail. Exciting!? Well probably not, but it actually was relaxing for me. I have been feeling really worthless the last week or so because of this...whatever I have...that is making me unpredictable.

I have a bunch of ideas really to put on this blog, but I am really just too lazy to do them now. Besides Bella is home so I need to log off the computer and be social.

Tomorrow is another day. That last statement comes from my new sponsor "The Mr. Obvious Show."

Talk to you all later.

The waiting game.

It seems like when I want things to hurry up, things slam on the breaks and when I need more time that things tend to floor it like a Nascar race.
I am a patient person for the most part, but not that patient.
Things seem a bit hypocritical when I caution others to be patient and I am just as restless as they are. Perhaps even more so. Fortunately cooler heads are running the show for me for the most part so while I can't totally relax...I can know things are under control.
All I can do is wait and I hate that.
All I can do is trust God to make sure things are under control, and while I don't hate the fact that he has it under control I wish he would send me a letter and tell me what's going on.
I wish I felt like everything would be ok as much as I tell everyone else it will be.
Hurry up and wait....hurry up and wait....ack.

One week to go....hopefully.

Well it looks like they are wrapping up on my place and soon I will get out of base camp. I missed blogging, I missed me time, I missed you guys.

So here is whats coming up.

1) Finishing my bathroom
2) Last paint details
3) hanging fixtures and stuff.
4) Got to move all these boxes back
5) Hook up the computer
6) Read the 100 Kajillion posts I missed.

Janus FAQs Prt 2

1. Why are you not updating very much? Well doing a lot of doubles again, getting ready to move (for a month), and this Playstation isn't going to play itself

2. Ok what game are you playing when you should be working? Castlevania SOTN, it's a bit addictive.

3. When will you write a real addition to your blog? Probably Friday night or Saturday

4. How is the writing going? Very slowly, but going.

5. What is the story with this remodeling? Bella and I are having the house fixed up a bit for our enjoyment and also to improve the value so we can sell it and move into another house someday. We are 1) Having all the rooms painted, 2) Redoing all the floors, 3) New doors and windows, 4) Getting rid of the old crappy bathroom walls and ceiling and replacing with some tile. It will be like a new house. Next step is cabinets for kitchen, we shall see.

6. Where are you going to be during this remodeling? At my Father in Laws, he is out of town.

Early Birthday gift to my brother Ed,

I can't use my voice.
Stupid cold.

Yesterday was sneezing and a little fever. Today I am feeling better other than my throat feeling like I ate some broken glass and I think I coughed my lung up around 3 this afternoon.

Well I can at least type, but I am tired and don't have anything to say. Bella is off this weekend, so I might be back Monday or earlier.

Take care blogland.

a rare photo of Janus

A few people have asked me when I am ever going to put my photo up, so here it is. The trademark bad hair, half asleep eyes, the beard and 'stache, and even the really ugly shirt that I have had way too long that I should probably incinerate.
Thanks to Lorinda for the link to the Simpson thing, and thanks to my wife for taking the time to do this 2-d thing since really I am way too lazy for that.