Janus trying to write again, and self education.

So right now I am working on my testimony for Celebrate the Journey, the support and recovery program at The Box.
The biggest problem with the testimony is the same I have with everything. It is either too long or short. I either talk too long about a single detail or I skip 10 years of my life for brevity. Janus Torrell has never written anything for it before, but you should check out the blog if you get a chance.
If I ever actually update and repair my blog that will be one of the links I add.

I am also working on my annual Halloween short story, which used to be a tradition in my yesterdays. I used to be able to write a bit of horror and suspense. I kind of lost that ability the last 5 years (with most of my quality going down the toilet.) So I want to acquire the ability again to write various genres. I still don't give a crap about romance stuff though.

Also I have not forgotten my loyal steadfast friend Frodo and that I owe her a copy of "How to mess up your life royally." Forgive the delay, but you ain't forgotten.


On the Academic front. I am studying "How to write a short story" in hopes of refining some techniques. I am also studying several books on Herbology and I got my old co-worker Jose working with me on experiments. I also got a book on Exodus and the parables of Jesus to slowly chew and study.

So I am trying to make the most of my quarter life crisis.

I am also preparing to leave town again, hopefully with more successful results.

Ffrazzled and recovery. (Aka where I was for a week)

Well I dealt with someone on Wednesday that I haven't dealt with for 6 years or so, and it was a bit harder than I expected. Praying for peace and words before hand is always a good practice. I really never know what I am doing, good thing for me God does.
Still despite things going "Not so bad" I have had a problem relaxing even worse than usual, I don't how I am going to make it to May. I was going to decompress a bit yesterday but had company until about 9:00.
I love company, but I am that Introvert no matter how hard I try not to be, and I don't really relax with anyone else around that easily. It doesn't mean I don't love and like people, but I am a hermit when I rest.
I talked to James (Something I haven't done for a long time since things have been so crazy) and we did some catching up. James was amazingly patient and understanding...I think he is finally getting old and mellowing out (like I kind of did.)
I had coffee with my friend Allen this morning, and other than the waking up part, It was good. I feel more at peace after having a sounding board, though I feel a bit odd confiding in people still.
Torrell men are not famous for that "Sharing stuff." I am the loudest of course in my family but I always feel like I am a downer or obnoxious so avoid that sharing stuff.
My wife and I went to the Gym today, and yesterday. If I had life insurance I might question if she is trying to kill me since I am not Mr. Activity. I am doing well though and it feels good actually!
Well other than my calve muscles.
It feels like someone was smacking them with a baseball bat.
I had a massage and a chiropractor appointment afterwards which helps.
I am also proud of myself for being able to jog about a 1.8 miles in 18 minutes, which for me is amazing, though probably pretty mediocre for most people. I am the guy that skipped gym class for most of school though so that is about the equivalent of winning a contest for me.
Who knows if I do this long enough I might sleep like a baby.

Janus and public speaking

Years ago (I never thought I would admit to this) I used to take communications classes and wanted to be a great public speaker.

That might have worked if I actually liked talking to a large group of people. As hard as it may be to believe (cough cough) I am not that outgoing and exciting. I even bore myself at times.
So I have learned a few important things the last few years.

If I speak on stage I need a podium. If I don't have something to hold on to, I tend to pace or do this kind of swaying around thing like a cobra with a beard. In high school I made a few people dizzy and gave a freshman a seizure from watching me give a speech. So I either have to sit down or hold on to something.

I am not always a good listener. I do have a hearing problem at times and sometimes people have repeat themselves and speak louder. This is embarrassing and makes talking a bit challenging, because most people think I am not listening. I am actually trying to listen, I just can't hear and they talk to0 fast to read lips.

I either am too quiet or too loud. Voice modulation, probably because of my bad hearing. I also tend to get hyper and talk too fast as I go. Which makes my voice get even louder.

I get jumbled if I am not prepared. I change my accents around, I say things backwards, pronounce things wrong, or just say the wrong word altogether.

So bottom line I probably shouldn't run for public office or ask for a stage job. People say if I practice I will get better at it, I figure I will practice at home for a few more years before I try it again.

The year recap/Janus Clip show

Wow has it been a year? It really has? Over a year in fact and I was so lazy and busy (Sometimes both at the same time) I wasn't even aware that a year has passed. Let us recap a little.
I ranted a lot about nothing
I gave lots of loving advice to my sister's kids
I apparently have mellowed out a bit (a remark from someone reading my older posts)
Rob and I went out for beer a couple times
I explained how to say "Janus Torrell" a few times and gave up trying.
I still occasionally meet someone that thinks my parents are cruel enough to really name me Janus Torrell.
I became wealthy and influential
I got a real job (1 year anniversary in October)
I got engaged and married to Bella
I killed over an acre of trees printing programs on Thursdays
My friends Troy and Janet moved to Kansas City
People I don't even know yet call me by my real name, that is amazing to me still that people actually know who I am.
I got rid of my van, was given a car, lost it.
I got a Buick that makes me look twenty years older.
I went back to school
We are remodeling the house
I met a lot of amazing people online and in person.

To another year folks, thanks for your visiting and support.

Janus finishes school today..for now.

I finished class today with my first "A" since World History in High School. Yay me!

I am kind of relieved that it is over at least for a while, since I loved it but I stress things more when I know that grades are important.
Well important to me at least. I don't want to take a course and do second rate job. So acing the class gave me a great sense of satisfaction. I am actually more fanatical and picky with my standards when it comes to school. (Something that never used to bother me.) Last night my wife Bella and I were up late finishing up my two assignments for today, and that made me look forward to the vacation.
Yet today when I got the affirmation from my classmates telling me that I should send things into publishing and people that were gone last week asking to see my assignment so they can read it...well that makes me feel good. My Mom was always a great fan of mine, but she is a bit biased towards me. To have peers and other writers give me such honor really feels great.
So when I was complimented and felt a bit embarrassed I said "Thank you for the affirmation" and let them know what stuff they wrote that I liked. Thanks to Troy for teaching me the "Thanks for the affirmation" answer at our last coffee. I don't know how to take compliments well at times. I like them better than insults though, so I better learn to get them.
So what's next for Janus? (I always get asked...What's next.)
Well I got plenty of books and website material to work on, so no rest for the wicked.
I am also going to see what classes to maybe take in the fall.

Janus slacking off again as usual.

Yes I am am aware it has been a whole week.
I tend to wander.
This is great for getting ideas for writing at times, but makes me a really lousy babysitter.
So you don't think I am totally useless I will just fill you in a little bit with what I have going on at the moment in Janusland.

Last week I was social!? It's true, I met with several folks for dinner or caffeine consumption sessions. I was determined to get out of my house and break my pattern of sitting on my chair all day and staring at this screen. Besides I love hanging out with these guys and hearing about whats going on with them, truthfully I have to make myself go out also. I am a net junkie at heart. That's why I prefer coffee and Applebees and not just sending long winded emails. Getting to know people better is good right? right.
I was volunteering. I enjoy contributing on other things, it gives me a happy warm feeling. Remind me of that when I have to get up at 6 in the morning to do it. Mcdonalds has some great cold coffee though. Mmm ...Hazelnutty caffieny goodness.
I am finishing up school. Last day of class this Wednesday, and I am doing 2-3 assignments per week. Creative writing isn't too much pressure, but since I am trying to get an "A" I am taking it a little serious probably. This week I have 2 assignments left. I hope I get ideas soon. They normally happen about Monday night though, giving me time to belt things out.
I am sleeping. Yes, I finally got sleeping pills after 30 years of putting it off. They really work too if I close my eyes and turn off the lights I am off. I feel refreshed much more and less foggy. The only side effect is I have more energy so I am more hyper at times. Sorry to everyone else around me.
Other jobs need my attention. Game reviews, getting others in for meetings, writers conference in November to plan, Reading 120 pages of design notes in a sitting from Manny, and tracking Jose across the United States to ask him to clarification on something he sent me a week ago.
I got a day planner and an inbox now, I am really on the fast track! Just don't ask me how full the inbox is.
I am avoiding thinking about stressful stuff. I wish it worked.

Janus trys to lose it.

Well, I am not playing it safe really, but the poem is taking me too long, and I have a book report due this week as well. The poem will be moved to the back burner for another time until I can find words that sound like orange and frontal lobotomy. I wrote a personal narrative instead.
Ok, maybe I am playing safe, I just really can't write poetry without being drunk or depressed. I don't feel like getting drunk or making myself depressed for my art. It's all your fault for letting me get in a good mood for a week straight. Yeah, I blame all of you or something.
This weekend we started the "Things I wish Jesus never said" series at the church. This series makes me a bit nervous, because I wish Jesus said more stuff like "Janus you need to eat more chocolate cake and get a new computer." I have read the Bible quite a bit though, and I'm pretty sure that is not in there. He talks more about giving to the poor and forgiving people.
This week they talked about "Losing our life to find it" which has nothing to do with bungee jumping or anything crazy like that. No one said it was easy, and most people would think it is insane. It is about getting rid of what is worthless and holds you back, and pursuing the better and inevitably more important things, even if it means having to give things up.
Almost a year ago, I was a speaker at a memorial service for the woman that would be my mother in law. I am not much of a speaker, but I did spend hours with her every week for the last year of her life, so I spoke at the service. At the end of her life she told me a lot about her regrets and things that didn't seem so important anymore. She made peace with friends and family that she had been cold to for years for things that no one remembered. She forgave and forgot many things. She spent her last week in particular enjoying the time with her family and burying and forgetting the things that held her back.
That's what losing life is all about really, since no one ever says on their deathbed "you know I wish I watched more Law and Order marathons and worked a few more hours a day."
Its not easy to give up the things that hold you back, but if you do, you wonder how you ever lived with all that weight on your shoulders. Fear, lack of trust, and lack of faith makes you cling to the useless and petty things because you feel naked without them. Playing it safe is not playing at all.
God knows this and tells you to let go. Believe me, I know it is easier said than done.
I heard a story of a burning house, and a young boy was hanging on a ledge. He couldn't see the mat that would catch him, or the people below because of the smoke.
"Let go, we will catch you!" His Dad shouted.
"I can't see you Daddy!" He cried out.
"I know, but I can see you- let go," His Dad called back. With that he finally let go and was rescued.
What is holding you back? Don't be afraid to let go of it, because God who can see everything that you can't is there to catch you. You just have to let him.
Or as the song says "Live every day like you're dying."


P.S. if you wondered about the title of Janet's Blog over on the side, this is where the name comes from. Click on her link, you know you want to.

Thursday thing events, Ice Cream from Dave, and the dreaded P word.

Well I am delaying putting up my homework again, just because I really think I could of done that last one a lot better. I think I got an A on it, but not so sure with that one. Action stories are hard in 7 pages. So let me sleep on it before deciding to put it up eh. Enough about that though.
My Thursday thing is getting more interesting, I now am doing things with the database instead of just mail room stuff. This may not be interesting to you, but it sure is for me. I am one of those weird people that likes doing office work. I love seeing things accomplished that are important to people. Besides I work along side wonderful people and feel like a part of something amazing.
Today Dave was handing out some ice cream which I am not used to in a work place. I am not much of an ice cream fan really, but Cookies and Cream with Oreos is good enough for me. I just thought it was nice that he was divvying out sweets, even if it forced me to take a break. Can't type or handle documents with ice cream, its just a mess.
Had a good night at work and taught Telly about the sleep feature on his remote. He can watch more TV and I can leave earlier now without him getting anxious. For having 3 hours sleep I am doing pretty dandy.
Now I am thinking about my next assignment, and I am truthfully concerned. We have been reading poetry this week in class, so I am being encouraged to try poetry. So I am picturing opening the cover off the Well of Souls in Raiders of the Lost Ark and looking down into a room and it is slithering with poetry.
"Poetry, why did it have to be poetry?"
Jose looks down too and says "Haiku's...very dangerous...you go first."
So do I write prose or dare poetry. I have to think on that one.
I am in a very good mood today, which scares me because that means that something bad will happen. Pessimism is my thing, sorry.

Getting back on track and consumption of books.

Well the wedding went well, though I never really relax at weddings. My wife and I kept smiling at each other during the ceremony and reception, it brought back some nice memories.
Though I enjoyed myself I felt good after I got home from the wedding and went to bed.
My church CCC has been doing a series called "Eat this book." which is about Bible reading and gathering insight from God. I actually will admit that I am terrible at this one. I don't read the Bible every day sometimes I take a long stretch at a time. So I have started doing reading everyday again this week and trying to stick with it. They also want me to journal, but other than my occasional blogging I am terrible at journalling, sometimes I barely can squeeze in the reading.
So that is something for me to work on.
Fathers day was spent with my Father in law, his wife and my sister in law but also my parents came by and we had all the dogs running in the yard. Quite a day and we had a great cookout with some quality cookin's though it was a bit warm.
On a school note this week gave me double assignments, which figures since I was gone most of the weekend. I finished a 7 page short story and wrote a class activity. So that is why I have been AWOL. Got to turn in and get ready for class.

Extra details.

Whew I finished it, today is a two parter just in the sense that I added this note. The paper did really well in class and it looks much longer with double spacing, which is why I did single spacing here. Other than the name of the teacher all the other details are the same.

First grade came in from last week "A" from my Grandpa's Biography. Seem to be getting more comfy in my skin there.

Tomorrow I will probably show you one of my quick writes. I had 20 minutes to write a short story from one starting line. Hopefully you'll like that too.

Communication (A Janus Homework special)

“Spray them with a fire hose or maybe offer cash prizes?”
“No,” Mrs. Pierce answered, trying to look like that was a serious answer, “Usually you start out with a question, statistic, or joke as an icebreaker for a speech.”
“Ah yeah . . . thats it!” I said writing that in my notes.
I should know by now how to communicate according to my records. I took a mandatory Communication class in Jr. High and High School, had to give talks for a number of events, and I even have a Communications merit badge from Boy Scouts.
“They give a merit badge for that now?” my dad asked me. I really don’t know why he was surprised. They have a merit badge for Agriculture, Drama, and Medicine, very sad is the activity that the scouts have not invented a merit badge for yet. I have been out of the loop for a while, but I am sure they have Laser Surgery Awareness merit badges by now.
Communication is the art of communicating. Don’t blame me for that useless definition, that’s what my Webster’s Dictionary said. In grade school they told me not to define a word by using the same word in a slightly different sense. I suppose this does not apply to dictionary publishers.
So I will be kind and tell you what communication is, it means “listening and speaking, as well as body language used to deliver and receive information.” Whew, I had to make that up. Television and the written word are communication too, but let’s not overdo it shall we?
Unless you are a lecturer, politician, or just particularly social, communicating becomes more of a difficulty as you deal with life in general. When you are back in school and in the partying stage of your life, before you start settling down, you seem to have a lot more to talk about. That is because you are young and still know everything. As I get older though, I realize how much more stupid I am growing by the day, I have much fewer opinions. That, or at least I am sure enough that my opinions are too wrong to state them.
After a certain point you have to learn small talk. This is the art of two or more people discussing something they could care less about so that they can make everyone else think they are more social and witty. Sports, Music, and Movies usually are quite safe and meaningless and are good for small talk.
If you don’t learn small talk, people will think you are cold and unfriendly, even if they are only talking to appear less cold and friendly. This might work for a career in bookkeeping, but if you are a salesman you will certainly starve to death.
If you don’t practice small talk enough, you also run the risk of speaking “Strictly business” talk. This is a bad rut to get into because soon you will start wondering if people are talking to you because they need something.
“So why are we going out for this anniversary dinner? ...A ha! She wants jewelry!”
Sometimes people really just want to interact with you, so put the damn credit card away and learn to communicate.
Relationships involve communicating, which means most people are having trouble with both. Experts say that men report while women rapport. That is not always true. It is more accurate to say that in a relationship a person will always want one and receive the other. If you had a lousy day, people will want to ask you all about your day and get the details. If you want to tell people about your day, rest assured that everyone else is tired, busy, or would rather have peace and quiet.
Experts also say we need to communicate more in relationships. This may be true in many cases, but also some people would do better if they would communicate less. Don’t ask him “What are you thinking?” because it’s never romantic or what you want to hear. Never ask her “What’s wrong?” because honestly it’s probably you. Enough with the communicating already! Dr. Phil thinks we should communicate more to fix problems, but his ex wife probably disagrees.
The truth is no matter who you are, even if you only know one person in the entire world, you are going to disagree about something. If you found someone that agreed with everything you said, eventually you would find them to be an obnoxious know-it-all.
With facts that can be proven someone can see they are wrong and be corrected, but I haven’t met anyone that ever changed an opinion because someone screamed “You’re wrong! You’re wrong!” and jumped up and down on a table. That is also a great way to kill any chance of getting dinner invitations from anyone present.
When a disagreement in communication comes along, a.k.a. an opinion, chose your fights and words carefully. If it is a disagreement that needs to be resolved, compromise it. If it is a small matter, agree to disagree and let it go. Learn the difference between these two of course, it’s not “irreconcilable differences” and time for a divorce because your wife loves meatloaf and you do not.
Finally just learn to listen, after all communication is more about listening than it is talking. When my sister says to her husband “We need to talk” that means I need to talk and you better start listening. Communication is the giving and receiving of information. Some couples that have been married for decades say that they are comfortable with each other in silence. Think of why they may still be married for several decades next time the urge to communicate is overtaking you.

Almost there!

"Communication" is coming soon. I just did version 2.0 and waiting for Bella to do her editing magic before 3.0 is up and ready to go. So it still takes a little while to spit this stuff out.
I am pretty sure I am going to have to cut it in half and give you a two parter if it is too long. You never know though, besides I am sure you all miss my 30 page blog submits. It's about 4 pages double spaced so it might squeeze in.
I don't have to change any names so that is easy enough. Part of me feels shamed at actually working on refining my stuff. I even used the unholy dark tools of writing. Spell check and Grammar check, the horror!
The hardest part about that is it gets stuck on all my Janusisms, since I average about 4 misspelled or misused words per sentence. No one ever accused me of mastering the King's English. I figured the King could do his own homework.
So my homework stuff might seem a bit unnatural and almost readable due to the intervention of the King's Word Perfect 9.0. They even messed with my infamous ...'s (the rambling pause at an inappropriate time that I have come to love.)
I just wanted to give you fair warning so you didn't think you went to the wrong blog.

The Quick Janus Update

Hi everyone.

Class went great, I did much better than I thought I would. Apparently I am not as inexperienced as I thought I would be and people are not as critical of my writing as I am. Which is normally true with writing, if you think it is awful and they will all hate it, they usually like it. If you think it is great and will do well, they usually hate it. So good tip for writing, Hate it and want to throw it away. You will write a best seller in no time.

I am sorry to be absent a lot not just from my own blog but from yours, I am trying to catch up. Life just gets a little crazy at times. Work hours increased a little, more double days and no computer at work. I also am working on my next piece for Wednesday, and I think I got it. It is called "Communication" and it is meant to be a little snippy and not too serious, since my last writing was a bit serious and sad. I might post it up, or cut it into pieces for you over a few days if it is a bit long.

So 3 days before class it might be done, which will be a record. Talk to you all soon.

It's been one week since you looked at me.

Has it been a week? (looks) Wow! It has.

I don't be meaning to neglecting my public duty, a week went by way too quickly. My first assignment is due in tomorrow and I got it done a record two days before it was due. Normally I am up the night before in a panic going"...I got to think of something to write...aghhhhh!" It is amazing how something you can normally do without any concern becomes a stressful chore when you are getting graded (or paid) for it.

I would share it with you but its a biography of my Grandfather and it's pretty long, pretty serious, and if I change all the names and places mentioned in that story it would not just confuse you, it would confuse me. Janus with 3 hours of sleep is not very good at that.

Editing and proofreading was done by wonderful wife Bella who is really got at catching Janusisms that look awkward (like the word Janusism and my run on sentences from hell.)

Anyway, good to see you all.