Life Saver
(No relation to the candy, but I could handle a green one right now.)
Lonely people go to a lot of places when they are feeling the need for company. Some places are great for that, I used to go to a restaurant where I would be able to write short stories and drink tea, and I felt comfortable there. It had enough people around and noise for me to be at ease, but it was was quiet enough that I could write and not feel distracted.
Years ago, when all the places were closed...and all the friends were asleep...and I couldn't go anywhere, I took to Internet Chatrooms. While I can't say that sometimes chatting on a computer can be wholesome and good for you, most of it is highly addictive and pretty useless in general. I did meet some great people on chat, but also met quite a bit of scary people.
A few years back I was one of those unwholesome types in chat. I hate to admit to that but it was true, I would get bored and look for a fight in online chatrooms. The best place to start, join, or watch a fight were in the Christian chatrooms. How is that for ironic? Keep in mind I was a much different person back then, but I would go online because I was bored and to see who I could get in an argument with.
One night a new person came into the room I had regularly went to start trouble, and she was definately not a regular. I saw the other folks that were like me move in to start a fight but I felt different that day. I felt that this was a sincere person, and instead of fighting with her, I started defending her instead and turning on some of the regulars. Needless to say I think we were all surprised.
I ended up talking to someone one-on-one over the computer, partly out of friendship and partly out of guilt. Being a bully really doesn't suit me well, I can fight with other people wanting to fight...but I never could fight dirty on a nice person. This young lady not only was a nice person in trouble, but she spoke about seeking God and was very sincere and kind hearted.
So even though I wasn't feeling very kind that night, I listened and tried to help.
The end of the night came and the sun came up and she went to bed and said "Thanks I feel so much better, you are a life saver."
"Anytime" I said not feeling tired yet, but feeling a little better about myself for helping a stranger.
Fast forward to a year and a half later...
I was in a terrible time in my life and hit bottom. Details are not needed but I was drinking heavily that evening and was spending the night at home by myself. I lost track of how many drinks I had made for myself, but I was hoping to drown myself with Vodka and orange juice that night. It wasn't just an attempt to escape from reality, I was seriously considering that I didn't want to wake up the next morning.
I drifted to the computer and yes...to the internet. Bad habits beget bad habits I suppose. I was being angry and sarcastic and most of the people that were reading what I was typing (I even typed with a slur) thought I was entertaining and had no idea how serious the situation was. In my state of stupidity, I was getting more and more frustrated since no one even seemed to care.
A familar person sent me a quick message "What are you doing?"
I had talked to her a few times in the last year in a half since she talked to me until the sun came up, but I hadn't run into her since I bottomed out the last month.
"I'm self destructing my dear," I answered truthfully and after several attempts to type it.
Well I won't give you a line for line dialog, mainly because I don't remember all of it. At some point I said "No one really gives a damn anyway if I self destruct or not." That is when that younger Irish-German gal gave me a keyboard thrashing that I would not want again anytime soon.
I learned a lot of things that night. That drinking yourself to death is not very easy, that some people do in fact give a damn about me even when I don't feel like it, and that I was a life saver. Literal.
When I first talked to my friend way back that year and a half ago, I didn't just cheer up someone that was seeking truth and sad. I saved her life. She was considering taking her life that night if she couldn't find one person that cared enough to listen to her. She was doubting the existence of a God that cared and said that if he wanted to save her he better show it.
She went into the Christian chatroom looking for good people, and instead walked into a den of wolves. Something...dare I say God...got through to me that night and I knew that this one person needed a friend. I happened to be in that room that night, she happened to wander into that room that night, and by the narrowest of margins I was able to convince her life was worth living.
She called me a life saver all the time, and I thought she was exaggerating. That night I learned just how much I meant to someone. That night she saved my life too, she talked to me on the phone and ran up her phone bill to talk to me and keep me talking. She wouldn't let me hang up until she was sure that I would make it through the night. She stayed up until long after the sun went up and stayed with me.
Kelly (not her real name of course) came into my life at a critical time for me, and I was able to be there for her, when it counts.
A minister friend told me once that he got a wrong number call from a guy looking to buy drugs, and he was able to talk him not only out of wanting to buy drugs, but meet him for lunch. Now that man is a deacon at a church, and happily married with 2 children.
Every person we meet in life, in person and even on a computer has something going on. You never know how what you say or do might impact someone for the better or worse. I didn't know what staying up late and talking to a stranger would do for me, but she told me what it did for her.
None of us can change our past. What we do, and who we affect though in our present can do much for the future. God gives us all opportunity and doors will be opened, how you respond to that is up to you.
The other day I asked you if someone in your life might be lonely. We all have busy lives, we all have work to do...but ultimately it is God and people that are the only thing that will matter at the end of the race. Who knows, you might be a life saver to someone.
Kelly is a life saver too, after we talked the next day I poured my liquor down the sink. I have had a drink or two since then, but I never would drink to escape from my life again. She still asks me how I am doing when she sees me.
I can proudly say clean and sober.
Thanks Kelly.
Lonely people go to a lot of places when they are feeling the need for company. Some places are great for that, I used to go to a restaurant where I would be able to write short stories and drink tea, and I felt comfortable there. It had enough people around and noise for me to be at ease, but it was was quiet enough that I could write and not feel distracted.
Years ago, when all the places were closed...and all the friends were asleep...and I couldn't go anywhere, I took to Internet Chatrooms. While I can't say that sometimes chatting on a computer can be wholesome and good for you, most of it is highly addictive and pretty useless in general. I did meet some great people on chat, but also met quite a bit of scary people.
A few years back I was one of those unwholesome types in chat. I hate to admit to that but it was true, I would get bored and look for a fight in online chatrooms. The best place to start, join, or watch a fight were in the Christian chatrooms. How is that for ironic? Keep in mind I was a much different person back then, but I would go online because I was bored and to see who I could get in an argument with.
One night a new person came into the room I had regularly went to start trouble, and she was definately not a regular. I saw the other folks that were like me move in to start a fight but I felt different that day. I felt that this was a sincere person, and instead of fighting with her, I started defending her instead and turning on some of the regulars. Needless to say I think we were all surprised.
I ended up talking to someone one-on-one over the computer, partly out of friendship and partly out of guilt. Being a bully really doesn't suit me well, I can fight with other people wanting to fight...but I never could fight dirty on a nice person. This young lady not only was a nice person in trouble, but she spoke about seeking God and was very sincere and kind hearted.
So even though I wasn't feeling very kind that night, I listened and tried to help.
The end of the night came and the sun came up and she went to bed and said "Thanks I feel so much better, you are a life saver."
"Anytime" I said not feeling tired yet, but feeling a little better about myself for helping a stranger.
Fast forward to a year and a half later...
I was in a terrible time in my life and hit bottom. Details are not needed but I was drinking heavily that evening and was spending the night at home by myself. I lost track of how many drinks I had made for myself, but I was hoping to drown myself with Vodka and orange juice that night. It wasn't just an attempt to escape from reality, I was seriously considering that I didn't want to wake up the next morning.
I drifted to the computer and yes...to the internet. Bad habits beget bad habits I suppose. I was being angry and sarcastic and most of the people that were reading what I was typing (I even typed with a slur) thought I was entertaining and had no idea how serious the situation was. In my state of stupidity, I was getting more and more frustrated since no one even seemed to care.
A familar person sent me a quick message "What are you doing?"
I had talked to her a few times in the last year in a half since she talked to me until the sun came up, but I hadn't run into her since I bottomed out the last month.
"I'm self destructing my dear," I answered truthfully and after several attempts to type it.
Well I won't give you a line for line dialog, mainly because I don't remember all of it. At some point I said "No one really gives a damn anyway if I self destruct or not." That is when that younger Irish-German gal gave me a keyboard thrashing that I would not want again anytime soon.
I learned a lot of things that night. That drinking yourself to death is not very easy, that some people do in fact give a damn about me even when I don't feel like it, and that I was a life saver. Literal.
When I first talked to my friend way back that year and a half ago, I didn't just cheer up someone that was seeking truth and sad. I saved her life. She was considering taking her life that night if she couldn't find one person that cared enough to listen to her. She was doubting the existence of a God that cared and said that if he wanted to save her he better show it.
She went into the Christian chatroom looking for good people, and instead walked into a den of wolves. Something...dare I say God...got through to me that night and I knew that this one person needed a friend. I happened to be in that room that night, she happened to wander into that room that night, and by the narrowest of margins I was able to convince her life was worth living.
She called me a life saver all the time, and I thought she was exaggerating. That night I learned just how much I meant to someone. That night she saved my life too, she talked to me on the phone and ran up her phone bill to talk to me and keep me talking. She wouldn't let me hang up until she was sure that I would make it through the night. She stayed up until long after the sun went up and stayed with me.
Kelly (not her real name of course) came into my life at a critical time for me, and I was able to be there for her, when it counts.
A minister friend told me once that he got a wrong number call from a guy looking to buy drugs, and he was able to talk him not only out of wanting to buy drugs, but meet him for lunch. Now that man is a deacon at a church, and happily married with 2 children.
Every person we meet in life, in person and even on a computer has something going on. You never know how what you say or do might impact someone for the better or worse. I didn't know what staying up late and talking to a stranger would do for me, but she told me what it did for her.
None of us can change our past. What we do, and who we affect though in our present can do much for the future. God gives us all opportunity and doors will be opened, how you respond to that is up to you.
The other day I asked you if someone in your life might be lonely. We all have busy lives, we all have work to do...but ultimately it is God and people that are the only thing that will matter at the end of the race. Who knows, you might be a life saver to someone.
Kelly is a life saver too, after we talked the next day I poured my liquor down the sink. I have had a drink or two since then, but I never would drink to escape from my life again. She still asks me how I am doing when she sees me.
I can proudly say clean and sober.
Thanks Kelly.
posted by Janus Torrell at 3:01 PM
6 Comments:
I'm glad you were there to help her that night, and I'm very glad she was there to help you.
People DO care, Janus.
Frodo
aye they do, though sometimes we forget that when we get wrapped up in our troubles.
Thanks for visiting Frodo
Janus - Good post. I used to mess with people like that online. Occasionally I still do if I'm in the wrong frame of mind. Sometimes being along does that to you so you act out as you said looking for attention.
I've lost a few good friends (both online and in real life) from drinking and doing something stupid. When that happens you think, "Their loss," but when you wake up and remember (or not) and find out what you did in your stupour (sp) you realize it was really your loss.
Peace,
- Neo
The temptation to chat online is all but gone, I think I am too far behind with all the stuff that I want to do that I no longer get to it. :) Blogging kind of killed it off to an extent.
As for the drinking, I never really got the hang of it when I was younger. Looking back I am relieved. The want to escape can make one do stupid things. :)
Great post. You never know how God will work through others...Glad to hear you were willing to be one of his instruments and not an obstacle.
Thanks Patrick,
You never do know when the door of opportunity will knock, and I look back at my childhood and wince at the things that I did.
Now I look for ways to open the door for people instead of slamming it, and it not only helps them but it really helps me.
Glad to have you drop by.
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