Wednesday, December 06, 2006

He took my place.

Tonight was Alpha, which meant that someone else cooked something really filling and delicious and I just got to help enjoy it. In fact it was Shepherds pie...mmmm. Though I should point out my friend Rob was in charge of the mashed potatoes and did a great job.
We did the usual video and questions and things were interesting but not nothing too overly powerful hard for the group. I feel that most of us are on the same level with understanding the material.
Suddenly one of the big scary theological questions came up. The one about suffering. Why do the innocent have to pay for the actions of evil? Why did millions of people have to suffer for the sins of tyrants like Hitler or Stalin? Why do bad things happen to good people?
The table got very quiet for what felt like hours, though it might of been a minute.
I had read this before! I had read it in "The Case for Faith", I had read this in "Searching for Issues." I have read this theological question at least a dozen times, but I am not a trained pastor and I realized that even more sharply that evening. I did not have Nicky Gumbel or Lee Strobel there to answer the question for them. I saw the question and the need for an answer and I was stuck...lost for what to say.
Then I remembered Brad. That is his real name, no aliases or inside information. I have a reason for that. I will tell you the same story that I told my group, because I don't know all the answers, when I think I know something really well...moments like this remind me of how much I still have to learn.
Brad and I grew up in the same town, he was a year older than me and we went to the same after school care together. We were good friends for over about fifteen years. While I was a vindictive and angry young man, my friend Brad was a gentle soul and had a heart of Christ that made no one doubt his convictions and faith. We were good friends despite our very different attitudes to life back then.
I was getting ready to go to a party and meet up with Brad, and was late as usual when my phone rang. My sister Caroline had an appointment and needed an babysitter for my three year old niece Elly. I wanted to go to the party and do some drinking, but I couldn't leave my sister and her baby stranded so I grumbled and stayed home that night.
Caroline was very late, and I didn't end up getting to the party til well after 9:00. I drove to the city as fast as I could without getting a ticket, and I arrived in the parking lot to be greeted by lights and sirens.
I found out that night that my friend was shot by a drunken party crasher who was stalking his ex-girlfriend. The stalker hit his ex-girlfriend and my mild mannered friend pushed him away from her and onto the floor. While Brad turned to make sure the young lady was ok, the stalker fired a gun into his back and then ran out the door.
They called 911, and Brad held on until the paramedics arrived. His brother turned pit to be the paramedic, and he got to say goodbye. They couldn't save him. On the cold floor of the apartment tiles I lost my good friend.
That night was full of tears and rage, as his friends were torn between grief and desire for revenge. The shooter was killed in the police chase, and while we thought he got what he deserved, none of us felt the hole in us fill up.
It could of been me. It probably would of been me. I felt guilty for years for being the one that lived, and thought that it should of been me. Even back then I realized what a rat I was in those days, and someone like Brad didn't deserve it. I asked for a long time, why did God let Brad die?
We all stopped our drinking and partying for the most part after that night. We had a few nights here and there, but with the death of Brad, the reckless carefree days I had nine years ago ended. His death made many of us consider our own lives for the first time, and while we didn't understand why he was taken from us, it forced us to not just ignore God, but to seek him out. We learned to value our lives a lot more.
Brad's family had long ago fallen apart and his parents were on the verge of a divorce. His brothers and sister were not talking to each other and things were held together by a thread. With Brad's death, his family stopped fighting and started grieving together and it brought them all back together.
Good can come from what we see as senseless. Even suffering can bring good things through God. I realized that more so now, though at the time I didn't want to love God for it. I resented him for taking my friend for a long time.
What does God know about suffering?
Has he ever been rejected by his family? Has he ever been punished or killed for doing nothing wrong? Did he know what it is like to lose a child?
The answer is yes, Jesus made all that possible. He died for us and brought us all together by his death. He was innocent, but did it for us so he could bring us together.
God is not above it all, he has suffered and suffers with us. He cries with us, he wants to comfort us. He doesn't promise us a life without pain on earth, but he does promise us a perfect eternal life with no pain...no tears...and no more death.
My niece Elly is now a beautiful young lady of twelve years of age, and going to be a Jr. Bridesmaid in my wedding. She loves her Aunt Bella, and is delighted to wear a dress and walk down in the aisle. My little niece who I watched that night nine years ago. It could of been me, and thanks to God I get to be married and see my little baby niece turn into a young lady.
I miss my friend Brad and still get sad when I talk of him, but I know he is with God. Everything is better for him now and he is not suffering or crying anymore. I know that because of my friend Brad, God was able to reach through to me too.
I know I will see him again.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry about your friend Brad. It's a terrible thing to happen to him, but please don't feel guilty for living.

I'm glad you get to see Elly growing up, and I'm glad she gets to be a bridesmaid and see you get married.

Look after yourself, Janus.

Frodo

10:21 AM  
Blogger Janus Torrell said...

Thanks frodo, I have learned to let go of it a lot, though now instead of guilt I just miss my friend. I will take care of me, and of course God will too. Take care of yourself too, and thank you for commenting.


It was great to see you Lorinda, and thank you for commenting. I am sorry I missed the chance to greet your friend, I guess I am only half way protective of myself on the internet anymore and not hiding so much. :)

11:29 AM  

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