Rules of the road (part 1 of well...er 1)
Most of us have taken driver’s education at one point or other in our lives, and I remember when I went to driving school and receiving my copy of "Rules of the Road." While reading this exciting book can help you pass a driver’s test, I feel that the DMV has left out vital details that anyone should know. So I decided to educate the public on the real rules of the road.
Yellow Lights. The official manual tells you that yellow is to be cautious and to let you know that the light in to turn Red soon. The important thing to remember is three cars go through when the light turns yellow. Three cars! If you are the lead car, GET OUT THERE. Anyone that is more than halfway into the intersection should get through it even if the light is red. If you don’t you will have a big bullseye on the side of your car from the other lanes of traffic. So normally if the light is yellow or just turned red when you crossed the white line, you should put your foot in the proper "Floor it for the love of God" position. The only exception being is if you see a police car.
Speed limits. The white sign that says speed limit is usually just a friendly suggestion unless law enforcement is around. Don’t feel too bad about speeding normally, after all if they really wanted you to go 65 mph they would of made the speed limit 55 mph. If police officers are not present the following speed limits should be in effect for the average driver, these are speeds that you drive without worrying too much about getting pulled over out of the blue.
Up to 10 mph over limit, when it’s not quota time.
5 mph over limit if it is quota time
2-3 mph over limit if you are in a different state than your license plate. (Out of state cars are gravy trains to police officers, they get more money from them usually and they also figure you are less likely to fight the ticket in court.)
A little lower than the speed limit if you are in Ohio (Ohio is evil, they will give you a ticket for going 56 mph in a 55)
If a cop is behind you or has the radar gun out, all bets are off with these recommended speeds. Drive the limit as perfectly as possible and wait for them to leave or pass you to get some sourmilk doughnuts.
(A note about Quotas, police officers will tell most people that they do not have quotas. They of course cannot admit that they "have" to pull people over just to keep their jobs and bring money in from the state. So, just deal with it, they will want to pull people over if they need to keep numbers up and the best way to not get a ticket is to lull them into sleep by actually following the rules. They quickly get annoyed and look for someone less law abiding.)
Road Hazards. Besides woodland creatures, drunk drivers and other cars in general you should also look out for the following.
1. People that adjust the radio while they drive. Some people can’t listen to Bryan Adams music to the point that they would rather commit suicide and adjust the radio station, as they swerve through all lanes of traffic and take out some guy on a motorcycle. This person drives worse than a drunk driver while pressing the scan button. A close relative to the "cell phone using stuntman."
2. Little old ladies that can’t see over the steering wheel. They drive about 10 miles an hour and usually have a Lincoln Towncar. They also tend to cut across 5 lanes of traffic without warning when they realize they are in the wrong lane to turn.
3. Old man with a hat. Even worse than little old ladies, the degree of terrible driving is based on the style of hat. If he is wearing a Cowboy hat either get around him real fast or stay far behind him until he turns onto another road. If you see one with a checkered golfers hat, turn the car around and go home, and go to bed. It just ain’t worth it.
Yellow Lights. The official manual tells you that yellow is to be cautious and to let you know that the light in to turn Red soon. The important thing to remember is three cars go through when the light turns yellow. Three cars! If you are the lead car, GET OUT THERE. Anyone that is more than halfway into the intersection should get through it even if the light is red. If you don’t you will have a big bullseye on the side of your car from the other lanes of traffic. So normally if the light is yellow or just turned red when you crossed the white line, you should put your foot in the proper "Floor it for the love of God" position. The only exception being is if you see a police car.
Speed limits. The white sign that says speed limit is usually just a friendly suggestion unless law enforcement is around. Don’t feel too bad about speeding normally, after all if they really wanted you to go 65 mph they would of made the speed limit 55 mph. If police officers are not present the following speed limits should be in effect for the average driver, these are speeds that you drive without worrying too much about getting pulled over out of the blue.
Up to 10 mph over limit, when it’s not quota time.
5 mph over limit if it is quota time
2-3 mph over limit if you are in a different state than your license plate. (Out of state cars are gravy trains to police officers, they get more money from them usually and they also figure you are less likely to fight the ticket in court.)
A little lower than the speed limit if you are in Ohio (Ohio is evil, they will give you a ticket for going 56 mph in a 55)
If a cop is behind you or has the radar gun out, all bets are off with these recommended speeds. Drive the limit as perfectly as possible and wait for them to leave or pass you to get some sourmilk doughnuts.
(A note about Quotas, police officers will tell most people that they do not have quotas. They of course cannot admit that they "have" to pull people over just to keep their jobs and bring money in from the state. So, just deal with it, they will want to pull people over if they need to keep numbers up and the best way to not get a ticket is to lull them into sleep by actually following the rules. They quickly get annoyed and look for someone less law abiding.)
Road Hazards. Besides woodland creatures, drunk drivers and other cars in general you should also look out for the following.
1. People that adjust the radio while they drive. Some people can’t listen to Bryan Adams music to the point that they would rather commit suicide and adjust the radio station, as they swerve through all lanes of traffic and take out some guy on a motorcycle. This person drives worse than a drunk driver while pressing the scan button. A close relative to the "cell phone using stuntman."
2. Little old ladies that can’t see over the steering wheel. They drive about 10 miles an hour and usually have a Lincoln Towncar. They also tend to cut across 5 lanes of traffic without warning when they realize they are in the wrong lane to turn.
3. Old man with a hat. Even worse than little old ladies, the degree of terrible driving is based on the style of hat. If he is wearing a Cowboy hat either get around him real fast or stay far behind him until he turns onto another road. If you see one with a checkered golfers hat, turn the car around and go home, and go to bed. It just ain’t worth it.
Labels: rants
posted by Janus Torrell at 3:57 AM
3 Comments:
What is with the little old lady and her big car? I keep seeing her everywhere, no matter which state I drive in. Are there no stalking rules, people?
.oO(Well, if they will insist on driving on the wrong side of the road, what can they expect?)
they are really bad when you get two of them old ladies and they are talking to each other and go 55 then 15..then 25...and so on
.o0 (oh look, gone is doing the old thought bubble thing again)
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