Questions I want to ask the big guy.
I have recently taken a look and read the book of Job, and in the end of Job (sorry should I warn you about Spoilers?) God actually comes and talks to Job, who had been demanding a chance to ask God some tough questions. Job never actually asks the questions because God basically tells him "what it's all about." In the end Job realizes that God is right, and God leaves and Job doesn't get a chance to ask questions.
I figure someday me and God might have a chance to sit down and share a beer and some chicken fingers. I thought, man I have some questions I want to ask him. I didn't want to get distracted by all the glorious stuff and bright lights so I thought I better write them down.
Trying to think now how I am going to sneak this piece of paper with me after I am dead but here goes.
1. How does an Eternal God that can do everything, know everything, and see everything keep from getting bored? Imagine this for just a minute. He can't read a book without knowing the ending. He can't watch Monk because he already knows who the killer is and how they did it and how they will get caught before Law and Order is even over. You tell him a joke and he already heard it, so he gives you one of those awkward courtesy chuckles. I actually kind of feel bad for God, he always has to pretend to be surprised at birthday parties, and has to pretend that the tie Jesus gives him for Father's day is something he has never seen before.
So he had to make a universe and design the platypus just for a quick laugh.
2. How many times has God wanted to erase it all and start over? I get mad playing Sim City and something doesn't work out the way I like it, imagine having to deal with everything going on. He promised not to flood the world again after the flood, but how many times has he looked at the "Rain cloud" Icon on his Godputer and consider hitting it.
3. Who was Jack the Ripper? Not really cosmic in scale I realize but I have read a book or two, and I really want to know. This is one of those questions I might forget if I don't write this down.
4. Do we have Kentucky Fried Chicken in heaven? Hey, no heart attacks, I am going to live this up.
5. How do you forgive so completely? How do you keep from losing your temper? Two questions I know, but they are related. If I was God I am afraid I would not be very good at it. I would be slapping the piss out of many people. "Will you stop lying Joesph Kenner at 188 Schuller Avenue, you are really begging for it." Slap slap slap. I am so glad not to have his job.
6. Why does Law and Order and CSI have to be playing at some channel at any time, all the time? Enough is enough.
7. How did Noah deal with the smell on the Ark? That's alot of Glade air freshners.
8. Why oh why did you make bees that sting? Bee stings hurt.
9. What does Manna taste like? I hope it's like Oreos.
10. Why did you make allergys? I really miss lemons, I hope someday I can drink lemonade again.
11. If you made everything, how were you made. If you were just there, what happened? I dunno, I get a headache trying to understand eternity. I might skip this one.
I am glad he's patient, but then again we do have a lot of time for me to try to figure this out.
I figure someday me and God might have a chance to sit down and share a beer and some chicken fingers. I thought, man I have some questions I want to ask him. I didn't want to get distracted by all the glorious stuff and bright lights so I thought I better write them down.
Trying to think now how I am going to sneak this piece of paper with me after I am dead but here goes.
1. How does an Eternal God that can do everything, know everything, and see everything keep from getting bored? Imagine this for just a minute. He can't read a book without knowing the ending. He can't watch Monk because he already knows who the killer is and how they did it and how they will get caught before Law and Order is even over. You tell him a joke and he already heard it, so he gives you one of those awkward courtesy chuckles. I actually kind of feel bad for God, he always has to pretend to be surprised at birthday parties, and has to pretend that the tie Jesus gives him for Father's day is something he has never seen before.
So he had to make a universe and design the platypus just for a quick laugh.
2. How many times has God wanted to erase it all and start over? I get mad playing Sim City and something doesn't work out the way I like it, imagine having to deal with everything going on. He promised not to flood the world again after the flood, but how many times has he looked at the "Rain cloud" Icon on his Godputer and consider hitting it.
3. Who was Jack the Ripper? Not really cosmic in scale I realize but I have read a book or two, and I really want to know. This is one of those questions I might forget if I don't write this down.
4. Do we have Kentucky Fried Chicken in heaven? Hey, no heart attacks, I am going to live this up.
5. How do you forgive so completely? How do you keep from losing your temper? Two questions I know, but they are related. If I was God I am afraid I would not be very good at it. I would be slapping the piss out of many people. "Will you stop lying Joesph Kenner at 188 Schuller Avenue, you are really begging for it." Slap slap slap. I am so glad not to have his job.
6. Why does Law and Order and CSI have to be playing at some channel at any time, all the time? Enough is enough.
7. How did Noah deal with the smell on the Ark? That's alot of Glade air freshners.
8. Why oh why did you make bees that sting? Bee stings hurt.
9. What does Manna taste like? I hope it's like Oreos.
10. Why did you make allergys? I really miss lemons, I hope someday I can drink lemonade again.
11. If you made everything, how were you made. If you were just there, what happened? I dunno, I get a headache trying to understand eternity. I might skip this one.
I am glad he's patient, but then again we do have a lot of time for me to try to figure this out.
posted by Janus Torrell at 11:30 PM
5 Comments:
I want manna to taste like steak. Or strawberries. Oh, I know, manna must taste better than anything we could ever want... even chocolate.
-The chocoholic formerly known as Sheed
Maybe manna is like those Willy Wonka magic gumballs where it changes flavor or could be anything you like
Well I could ask him about the poodles Raf, but I think I know the answer to that.
Goose poop is bad enough, flying dogs would be terrifying. Otherwise people doing the riverwalk in Naperville or going to a large park would have to wear really big boots
Poor Joesph Kenner at 188 Schuller Avenue. I would move, if I was him.
I have one question I been wanting to ask for the longest: Will You take me back and show how You really made the Grand Canyon? Cause I don't think the scientist You put here have a clue, plus I want to watch (from a safe place).
I also had one about Meteor Crator and another about John Fitzgerald Kennedy, but Janus has a long list, so I will stop.
yeah beware of smoting. Someone that big can poke pretty hard
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