Interview Questions
Kind of a misleading title (I try my best) These are just some random questions I have about job searches and interviews that the last few days have really made me wonder. Some are actual questions that I have been asked, and some are things I am just curious about in general.
Wearing professional attire. This translates to wearing pants, well that is pants and not biker shorts (yikes) or jeans. Sometimes that means wearing a tie, as long as you are not wearing a short sleeve shirt. Apparently ties and short sleeves are a no-no according to my Simpsons DVD, and if anyone knows fashion, it's Homer J. Simpson.
The question is why they want you to wear professional attire for a job where you normally dress casual. For Example a life guard wearing a suit and tie to the interview, or a guy that works at a sewage treatment plant and makes a living raking through crap. Is it just some pretentious corporate B.S. or do they want to make sure you know at least one woman that can tell you how to wear a necktie. (Seriously, I would be lost if I had to tie my neckties, they were all tied for me, and now I just slip them on and off...not proper I know, but no one ever accused me of being proper.)
Salary Desired. This is one of the stupidest fill in the blanks that they put on an application. What would you like your salary to be? Well I would like $750,000 dollars a year, I would like to work about 2 hours a month, have a company provided BMW, and maybe a free trip to Europe every few months.
The question is what are you going to pay me? Chances are if I am applying at Walmart as a stock boy I am not going to be demanding too hell of a lot. So why don't they just tell us what they are willing to pay and let us go from there.
What made you pick our store to apply? Well let's see, the fact that it said Help Wanted on the sign on the window. The fact that I happened to be walking by and reading the sign and needed a job at the moment. Maybe even the fact that I considered working here better than squeegeeing passing cars at the red light or maybe a career in pharmaceutical testing.
Honestly how prestigious do some of these places think they are? Why did I pick this store? Because ever since I was about four years old I said I want to get a job selling Bath and Body Works in a part time retail store at the age of thirty. I have to really plan for this question to be honest, otherwise I would forget myself and resort to sarcasm by default.
Opportunities in advancement. I usually hear about how the company is growing when I apply about anywhere. That means if I stay around until I am about 65 years old or so that I will be offered a position of assistant manager and get a raise of a dollar an hour. That is what makes a job a job and a career a career. A job is something you do while you hope you figure out what the hell you want to do for a career, and then as soon as you can you run for it.
A career is what you want to do for the rest of your life.
Some places think that everyone that is looking for a job is in fact looking for a career. Where do you see yourself five years from now, either in another place or dead from self inflicted wounds if I have to ask if you want hot sauce just one more time.
Now some people may want a career in one of those fine places, God bless you, I may not have any idea why anyone would like working there for a prolonged period of time. I am not one of those people, that doesn't mean I think that the job is beneath me, but I could not continue to do something I hate for too long, though I can do about anything for a short period of time.
We'll call you this means "Screw you" basically in Human Resourcesese. It is the same as "Let's do lunch" and "Thanks for the garage sale Precious Moments salt and pepper shaker set, Grandma." It basically means I am not nice enough to hire you, but I am too nice to tell you to go away, so I will make you feel like you have a chance. Apply at 30 places and if you are lucky 2 with usually call you back unless your application says that you are willing to work 70 hours a week for 20 dollars and a good parking spot and maybe you have Jesus of Nazareth as one of your professional references. (Or Satan if you are applying at a law firm.)
We are looking for motivated people. We are looking for Sales people that like to work on a strictly commission basis. If you are not a parasite that would sell your grandmother to organized crime for a dollar, you probably won't survive here.
You are over qualified. You should of dropped out of school earlier, because we are worried that you must be mentally unbalanced to want to work here or we are well aware that this is a job and you would run the first chance you get.
Tune in tomorrow.
Wearing professional attire. This translates to wearing pants, well that is pants and not biker shorts (yikes) or jeans. Sometimes that means wearing a tie, as long as you are not wearing a short sleeve shirt. Apparently ties and short sleeves are a no-no according to my Simpsons DVD, and if anyone knows fashion, it's Homer J. Simpson.
The question is why they want you to wear professional attire for a job where you normally dress casual. For Example a life guard wearing a suit and tie to the interview, or a guy that works at a sewage treatment plant and makes a living raking through crap. Is it just some pretentious corporate B.S. or do they want to make sure you know at least one woman that can tell you how to wear a necktie. (Seriously, I would be lost if I had to tie my neckties, they were all tied for me, and now I just slip them on and off...not proper I know, but no one ever accused me of being proper.)
Salary Desired. This is one of the stupidest fill in the blanks that they put on an application. What would you like your salary to be? Well I would like $750,000 dollars a year, I would like to work about 2 hours a month, have a company provided BMW, and maybe a free trip to Europe every few months.
The question is what are you going to pay me? Chances are if I am applying at Walmart as a stock boy I am not going to be demanding too hell of a lot. So why don't they just tell us what they are willing to pay and let us go from there.
What made you pick our store to apply? Well let's see, the fact that it said Help Wanted on the sign on the window. The fact that I happened to be walking by and reading the sign and needed a job at the moment. Maybe even the fact that I considered working here better than squeegeeing passing cars at the red light or maybe a career in pharmaceutical testing.
Honestly how prestigious do some of these places think they are? Why did I pick this store? Because ever since I was about four years old I said I want to get a job selling Bath and Body Works in a part time retail store at the age of thirty. I have to really plan for this question to be honest, otherwise I would forget myself and resort to sarcasm by default.
Opportunities in advancement. I usually hear about how the company is growing when I apply about anywhere. That means if I stay around until I am about 65 years old or so that I will be offered a position of assistant manager and get a raise of a dollar an hour. That is what makes a job a job and a career a career. A job is something you do while you hope you figure out what the hell you want to do for a career, and then as soon as you can you run for it.
A career is what you want to do for the rest of your life.
Some places think that everyone that is looking for a job is in fact looking for a career. Where do you see yourself five years from now, either in another place or dead from self inflicted wounds if I have to ask if you want hot sauce just one more time.
Now some people may want a career in one of those fine places, God bless you, I may not have any idea why anyone would like working there for a prolonged period of time. I am not one of those people, that doesn't mean I think that the job is beneath me, but I could not continue to do something I hate for too long, though I can do about anything for a short period of time.
We'll call you this means "Screw you" basically in Human Resourcesese. It is the same as "Let's do lunch" and "Thanks for the garage sale Precious Moments salt and pepper shaker set, Grandma." It basically means I am not nice enough to hire you, but I am too nice to tell you to go away, so I will make you feel like you have a chance. Apply at 30 places and if you are lucky 2 with usually call you back unless your application says that you are willing to work 70 hours a week for 20 dollars and a good parking spot and maybe you have Jesus of Nazareth as one of your professional references. (Or Satan if you are applying at a law firm.)
We are looking for motivated people. We are looking for Sales people that like to work on a strictly commission basis. If you are not a parasite that would sell your grandmother to organized crime for a dollar, you probably won't survive here.
You are over qualified. You should of dropped out of school earlier, because we are worried that you must be mentally unbalanced to want to work here or we are well aware that this is a job and you would run the first chance you get.
Tune in tomorrow.
Labels: rants, social tripe, work stuff
posted by Janus Torrell at 2:01 AM
3 Comments:
How much I am worth is usually more than I think so and less than the average boss I would imagine. Good point though. It really does depend on willingness to pay, normally if they tell me what they pay I can agree or not.
I normally read up on a company and find a reason to pretend to be more excited than I am. I spend an hour before leaving for my interview learning more about the company than I would normally care about. Some places are exciting, but selling kitchen appliances invokes my B.S. skills.
I don't know if anyone ever admits they are a slowly dying company or that they only dead end jobs.
No nobody ever calls you, in fact if you call them, they won't call you back. You have to try to be persistant without being obnoxious. It does make you wonder though what sort of employers they would be, since they respect you so little that they don't even return calls.
"Experienced only" drove me nuts. How else can I get experience, dipweed? Give me the stinking job!
I don't think I ever got work thru want-ads, altho I tried hard enough.
Getting a job is the worst job in the world. Long ago I gave up kidding myself that I was any good at it. What's left? Work for yourself.
But watch the boss - he knows when you're slacking.
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