You only see how far you have come, when you look back sometimes.
Big week this week as I wait for the agency to contact me with my new contracts to sign, so I am heading over there in about five minutes or so to get some paper work to read and heading into work tonight.
I slipped on some ice earlier this week in the dark, as my dog dragged me across a frozen parking lot to smell a tree that was worth killing me for. my arm and chest muscles are a little sore, but nothing broken or permanant. The dog is still a bit nervous since I yelled some very unkind words to her while I was on my side in a patch of ice at 2:00 am.
I finally got the liquid wood in the door frame today, so later on I can look forward to repairing my door so I can actually have company over again without having people able to look in my room or hearing everything go on in the house when I want some quiet.
Yesterday I was feeling pretty down in the dumps with myself. Not getting much done last night and got in one of my bad moods. I got so frustrated I asked myself if I really had changed from the old me, or am I just fooling myself.
Last night I couldn't sleep and I felt all tightened up and when I took a benedril so I could breath and sleep, I had horrible dreams. I am grateful.
In my dream I saw where I was before and the things I did and how they had used to affect my life and behavior. Without hope, without forgiveness, and without God. I woke up feeling frightened and was glad to realize that I have changed and that I am ok. It will give me strength to do what is right and to remember how far I have come. It will help me not want to go back to the old and gone me.
A nightmare can sometimes be a great reality check when you wake up, now I understand that joy in the morning stuff a little better.
Well off to work.
I slipped on some ice earlier this week in the dark, as my dog dragged me across a frozen parking lot to smell a tree that was worth killing me for. my arm and chest muscles are a little sore, but nothing broken or permanant. The dog is still a bit nervous since I yelled some very unkind words to her while I was on my side in a patch of ice at 2:00 am.
I finally got the liquid wood in the door frame today, so later on I can look forward to repairing my door so I can actually have company over again without having people able to look in my room or hearing everything go on in the house when I want some quiet.
Yesterday I was feeling pretty down in the dumps with myself. Not getting much done last night and got in one of my bad moods. I got so frustrated I asked myself if I really had changed from the old me, or am I just fooling myself.
Last night I couldn't sleep and I felt all tightened up and when I took a benedril so I could breath and sleep, I had horrible dreams. I am grateful.
In my dream I saw where I was before and the things I did and how they had used to affect my life and behavior. Without hope, without forgiveness, and without God. I woke up feeling frightened and was glad to realize that I have changed and that I am ok. It will give me strength to do what is right and to remember how far I have come. It will help me not want to go back to the old and gone me.
A nightmare can sometimes be a great reality check when you wake up, now I understand that joy in the morning stuff a little better.
Well off to work.
posted by Janus Torrell at 3:17 PM
4 Comments:
Sorry you were feeling down yesterday, Janus, and I really hope you feel better soon.
I don't know about the 'old' Janus, but the one I know is a really good guy with a lot of kindness and compassion. I hope he realises that!
Frodo :)
Thanks Frodo, I already do feel better today. Hoping things stay that way too.
Thanks for the kind words, I am glad you don't know the 'Old' Janus, not only is he pretty much long gone, but he is not somebody I like hanging around with either. :)
Thanks for visiting.
I have already commented and my comment is not posted, dont you hate that. Anyway the essence of my comment was that I really liked the old Janus but the new one is cool too
Emma
thanks Emma, glad you could come by.
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