Insomimisanty

I used to be a machine less than 10 years ago. With a case of Coca Cola and a box of Mr. Goodbars I could stay awake for three days straight and write 120 pages of ghost riding. The last 10 years have not been kind though, I am beginning to feel myself growing slower.
The last few days I could not wake up without fighting an uphill battle with the desire to sleep for just a few more minutes. You know how those few minutes become a few more minutes and all of the sudden it's September.
I would be up until 3 in the morning since as long as I remember but I had a great alarm clock back when I was in school, it was called Dad. If you asked for a few more minutes, it was the snooze alarm and it worked twice a morning, the third time you asked for a few minutes he would come in and scream at you until you wake up. I can't believe that I wish he would still do that once in a while.
So tonight I am trying a sleeping pill, which is a bit scary because I am worried that I won't wake up. I might find that I enjoy sleeping and decide to stay that way. I gave in after trying to make it on half nights for a few weeks.
I can't write as much, I feel lazy, and in general am not as functional as a sleep walker. When I am tired I am quiet and less annoying though, but I need my brain back.
Wish me luck.

Janus trys to lose it.

Well, I am not playing it safe really, but the poem is taking me too long, and I have a book report due this week as well. The poem will be moved to the back burner for another time until I can find words that sound like orange and frontal lobotomy. I wrote a personal narrative instead.
Ok, maybe I am playing safe, I just really can't write poetry without being drunk or depressed. I don't feel like getting drunk or making myself depressed for my art. It's all your fault for letting me get in a good mood for a week straight. Yeah, I blame all of you or something.
This weekend we started the "Things I wish Jesus never said" series at the church. This series makes me a bit nervous, because I wish Jesus said more stuff like "Janus you need to eat more chocolate cake and get a new computer." I have read the Bible quite a bit though, and I'm pretty sure that is not in there. He talks more about giving to the poor and forgiving people.
This week they talked about "Losing our life to find it" which has nothing to do with bungee jumping or anything crazy like that. No one said it was easy, and most people would think it is insane. It is about getting rid of what is worthless and holds you back, and pursuing the better and inevitably more important things, even if it means having to give things up.
Almost a year ago, I was a speaker at a memorial service for the woman that would be my mother in law. I am not much of a speaker, but I did spend hours with her every week for the last year of her life, so I spoke at the service. At the end of her life she told me a lot about her regrets and things that didn't seem so important anymore. She made peace with friends and family that she had been cold to for years for things that no one remembered. She forgave and forgot many things. She spent her last week in particular enjoying the time with her family and burying and forgetting the things that held her back.
That's what losing life is all about really, since no one ever says on their deathbed "you know I wish I watched more Law and Order marathons and worked a few more hours a day."
Its not easy to give up the things that hold you back, but if you do, you wonder how you ever lived with all that weight on your shoulders. Fear, lack of trust, and lack of faith makes you cling to the useless and petty things because you feel naked without them. Playing it safe is not playing at all.
God knows this and tells you to let go. Believe me, I know it is easier said than done.
I heard a story of a burning house, and a young boy was hanging on a ledge. He couldn't see the mat that would catch him, or the people below because of the smoke.
"Let go, we will catch you!" His Dad shouted.
"I can't see you Daddy!" He cried out.
"I know, but I can see you- let go," His Dad called back. With that he finally let go and was rescued.
What is holding you back? Don't be afraid to let go of it, because God who can see everything that you can't is there to catch you. You just have to let him.
Or as the song says "Live every day like you're dying."


P.S. if you wondered about the title of Janet's Blog over on the side, this is where the name comes from. Click on her link, you know you want to.

Karl takes overkill to a new level.

Now for something that isn't related about school...the following is a typed transcript of all call between my co-worker and friend Karl and I from yesterday. (We both were tired, that's all I can say...) This is me requesting that Karl hunt some game animals so Jose can cook them for an event.

Janus: Karl, you got a moment, (makes small talk about family, work, and stuff for a few minutes...then cuts to specifics.)
Karl, Jose needs a rabbit to cook for our Spring lineup. So anytime between now and April if you could acquire one would be spiffy?
Karl: Wild or Cage?
Janus: Well wild preferably, but if we have to we can use a caged one.
Karl: November is rabbit season will that be alright?
Janus: Yeah...that's before next April, that will be good.
Karl: Alright I can get ten to twelve of them about the second week of Nove-
Janus: Maybe it's the static...I only need one. Maybe two. You don't have to get me a dozen rabbits. We have to eat it when Jose is done, and twelve might be a bit excessive.
Karl: More like Eight?
Janus: Two...Two at the most alright, and that is only because Jose might accidentally catch the other one on fire. I need two rabbits Karl, you don't have to decimate the entire woodland population.
Karl: It's just that getting twelve is just about as easy as getting one...
Janus (Sound of head smacking against wall) fine, you can get twelve of them if that is what you want, we will invite the entire town over for lunch. Just be sure you get at least one. Can you show Jose how to cook it, since he hasn't tried rabbit yet?
Karl: yeah, so in November do you want to help me shoot the rabbits.
Janus: I'm not so good at that.
Karl: You're a better shot than me.
Janus: Yeah but that is against non-living things like cans, bottles, and snakes.
Karl: Snakes are living things.
Janus: Yeah but they aren't cute like rabbits and they all deserve to die and burn in hell so it is easier for me shoot them. Mind if I sit the rabbit hunting out?
Karl: No problem, anything else you want me to shoot while we are thinking about it.
Janus: I could go for some Deer sausage I suppose, and if they are in season I have a telemarketer that you can hunt that calls every Wednesday...
Karl (Pauses for a minute): I will work on that. Well I will get back to you after the weekend. Got to get back to work.
Janus: Yeah me too, talk to you later.

Thursday thing events, Ice Cream from Dave, and the dreaded P word.

Well I am delaying putting up my homework again, just because I really think I could of done that last one a lot better. I think I got an A on it, but not so sure with that one. Action stories are hard in 7 pages. So let me sleep on it before deciding to put it up eh. Enough about that though.
My Thursday thing is getting more interesting, I now am doing things with the database instead of just mail room stuff. This may not be interesting to you, but it sure is for me. I am one of those weird people that likes doing office work. I love seeing things accomplished that are important to people. Besides I work along side wonderful people and feel like a part of something amazing.
Today Dave was handing out some ice cream which I am not used to in a work place. I am not much of an ice cream fan really, but Cookies and Cream with Oreos is good enough for me. I just thought it was nice that he was divvying out sweets, even if it forced me to take a break. Can't type or handle documents with ice cream, its just a mess.
Had a good night at work and taught Telly about the sleep feature on his remote. He can watch more TV and I can leave earlier now without him getting anxious. For having 3 hours sleep I am doing pretty dandy.
Now I am thinking about my next assignment, and I am truthfully concerned. We have been reading poetry this week in class, so I am being encouraged to try poetry. So I am picturing opening the cover off the Well of Souls in Raiders of the Lost Ark and looking down into a room and it is slithering with poetry.
"Poetry, why did it have to be poetry?"
Jose looks down too and says "Haiku's...very dangerous...you go first."
So do I write prose or dare poetry. I have to think on that one.
I am in a very good mood today, which scares me because that means that something bad will happen. Pessimism is my thing, sorry.

Getting back on track and consumption of books.

Well the wedding went well, though I never really relax at weddings. My wife and I kept smiling at each other during the ceremony and reception, it brought back some nice memories.
Though I enjoyed myself I felt good after I got home from the wedding and went to bed.
My church CCC has been doing a series called "Eat this book." which is about Bible reading and gathering insight from God. I actually will admit that I am terrible at this one. I don't read the Bible every day sometimes I take a long stretch at a time. So I have started doing reading everyday again this week and trying to stick with it. They also want me to journal, but other than my occasional blogging I am terrible at journalling, sometimes I barely can squeeze in the reading.
So that is something for me to work on.
Fathers day was spent with my Father in law, his wife and my sister in law but also my parents came by and we had all the dogs running in the yard. Quite a day and we had a great cookout with some quality cookin's though it was a bit warm.
On a school note this week gave me double assignments, which figures since I was gone most of the weekend. I finished a 7 page short story and wrote a class activity. So that is why I have been AWOL. Got to turn in and get ready for class.

Busy Busy Weekend

Normally Bella and I would both be working this weekend, but we both had to switch some hours for this weekend. Bella's cousin is getting married! Part of me is excited and part of me is nervous. I don't relax at weddings even when I am just a guest.
Today is errands day and the rehearsal, tomorrow is the wedding, and Sunday is Dad day so at least we are just eating and relaxing a bit more.
Bella is a bridesmaid this time around and gets to do the walking and smiling and wear the dress, I get to be a guest. That means I just sit down, eat, smile, and occasionally move so people don't take my pulse. I have a "date" too, don't worry my wife knows about it. I am going with one of our lady buddys, at least I don't have to sit at a table with a bunch of people I don't know.
So got some clothes at the cleaners, got some errands to run today.
So you probably won't see me much this weekend, but don't worry I am alive.
At least I don't have to try to catch any stinkin garters either, I have the married guy exemption this time.

Extra details.

Whew I finished it, today is a two parter just in the sense that I added this note. The paper did really well in class and it looks much longer with double spacing, which is why I did single spacing here. Other than the name of the teacher all the other details are the same.

First grade came in from last week "A" from my Grandpa's Biography. Seem to be getting more comfy in my skin there.

Tomorrow I will probably show you one of my quick writes. I had 20 minutes to write a short story from one starting line. Hopefully you'll like that too.

Communication (A Janus Homework special)

“Spray them with a fire hose or maybe offer cash prizes?”
“No,” Mrs. Pierce answered, trying to look like that was a serious answer, “Usually you start out with a question, statistic, or joke as an icebreaker for a speech.”
“Ah yeah . . . thats it!” I said writing that in my notes.
I should know by now how to communicate according to my records. I took a mandatory Communication class in Jr. High and High School, had to give talks for a number of events, and I even have a Communications merit badge from Boy Scouts.
“They give a merit badge for that now?” my dad asked me. I really don’t know why he was surprised. They have a merit badge for Agriculture, Drama, and Medicine, very sad is the activity that the scouts have not invented a merit badge for yet. I have been out of the loop for a while, but I am sure they have Laser Surgery Awareness merit badges by now.
Communication is the art of communicating. Don’t blame me for that useless definition, that’s what my Webster’s Dictionary said. In grade school they told me not to define a word by using the same word in a slightly different sense. I suppose this does not apply to dictionary publishers.
So I will be kind and tell you what communication is, it means “listening and speaking, as well as body language used to deliver and receive information.” Whew, I had to make that up. Television and the written word are communication too, but let’s not overdo it shall we?
Unless you are a lecturer, politician, or just particularly social, communicating becomes more of a difficulty as you deal with life in general. When you are back in school and in the partying stage of your life, before you start settling down, you seem to have a lot more to talk about. That is because you are young and still know everything. As I get older though, I realize how much more stupid I am growing by the day, I have much fewer opinions. That, or at least I am sure enough that my opinions are too wrong to state them.
After a certain point you have to learn small talk. This is the art of two or more people discussing something they could care less about so that they can make everyone else think they are more social and witty. Sports, Music, and Movies usually are quite safe and meaningless and are good for small talk.
If you don’t learn small talk, people will think you are cold and unfriendly, even if they are only talking to appear less cold and friendly. This might work for a career in bookkeeping, but if you are a salesman you will certainly starve to death.
If you don’t practice small talk enough, you also run the risk of speaking “Strictly business” talk. This is a bad rut to get into because soon you will start wondering if people are talking to you because they need something.
“So why are we going out for this anniversary dinner? ...A ha! She wants jewelry!”
Sometimes people really just want to interact with you, so put the damn credit card away and learn to communicate.
Relationships involve communicating, which means most people are having trouble with both. Experts say that men report while women rapport. That is not always true. It is more accurate to say that in a relationship a person will always want one and receive the other. If you had a lousy day, people will want to ask you all about your day and get the details. If you want to tell people about your day, rest assured that everyone else is tired, busy, or would rather have peace and quiet.
Experts also say we need to communicate more in relationships. This may be true in many cases, but also some people would do better if they would communicate less. Don’t ask him “What are you thinking?” because it’s never romantic or what you want to hear. Never ask her “What’s wrong?” because honestly it’s probably you. Enough with the communicating already! Dr. Phil thinks we should communicate more to fix problems, but his ex wife probably disagrees.
The truth is no matter who you are, even if you only know one person in the entire world, you are going to disagree about something. If you found someone that agreed with everything you said, eventually you would find them to be an obnoxious know-it-all.
With facts that can be proven someone can see they are wrong and be corrected, but I haven’t met anyone that ever changed an opinion because someone screamed “You’re wrong! You’re wrong!” and jumped up and down on a table. That is also a great way to kill any chance of getting dinner invitations from anyone present.
When a disagreement in communication comes along, a.k.a. an opinion, chose your fights and words carefully. If it is a disagreement that needs to be resolved, compromise it. If it is a small matter, agree to disagree and let it go. Learn the difference between these two of course, it’s not “irreconcilable differences” and time for a divorce because your wife loves meatloaf and you do not.
Finally just learn to listen, after all communication is more about listening than it is talking. When my sister says to her husband “We need to talk” that means I need to talk and you better start listening. Communication is the giving and receiving of information. Some couples that have been married for decades say that they are comfortable with each other in silence. Think of why they may still be married for several decades next time the urge to communicate is overtaking you.

Almost there!

"Communication" is coming soon. I just did version 2.0 and waiting for Bella to do her editing magic before 3.0 is up and ready to go. So it still takes a little while to spit this stuff out.
I am pretty sure I am going to have to cut it in half and give you a two parter if it is too long. You never know though, besides I am sure you all miss my 30 page blog submits. It's about 4 pages double spaced so it might squeeze in.
I don't have to change any names so that is easy enough. Part of me feels shamed at actually working on refining my stuff. I even used the unholy dark tools of writing. Spell check and Grammar check, the horror!
The hardest part about that is it gets stuck on all my Janusisms, since I average about 4 misspelled or misused words per sentence. No one ever accused me of mastering the King's English. I figured the King could do his own homework.
So my homework stuff might seem a bit unnatural and almost readable due to the intervention of the King's Word Perfect 9.0. They even messed with my infamous ...'s (the rambling pause at an inappropriate time that I have come to love.)
I just wanted to give you fair warning so you didn't think you went to the wrong blog.

The Quick Janus Update

Hi everyone.

Class went great, I did much better than I thought I would. Apparently I am not as inexperienced as I thought I would be and people are not as critical of my writing as I am. Which is normally true with writing, if you think it is awful and they will all hate it, they usually like it. If you think it is great and will do well, they usually hate it. So good tip for writing, Hate it and want to throw it away. You will write a best seller in no time.

I am sorry to be absent a lot not just from my own blog but from yours, I am trying to catch up. Life just gets a little crazy at times. Work hours increased a little, more double days and no computer at work. I also am working on my next piece for Wednesday, and I think I got it. It is called "Communication" and it is meant to be a little snippy and not too serious, since my last writing was a bit serious and sad. I might post it up, or cut it into pieces for you over a few days if it is a bit long.

So 3 days before class it might be done, which will be a record. Talk to you all soon.

It's been one week since you looked at me.

Has it been a week? (looks) Wow! It has.

I don't be meaning to neglecting my public duty, a week went by way too quickly. My first assignment is due in tomorrow and I got it done a record two days before it was due. Normally I am up the night before in a panic going"...I got to think of something to write...aghhhhh!" It is amazing how something you can normally do without any concern becomes a stressful chore when you are getting graded (or paid) for it.

I would share it with you but its a biography of my Grandfather and it's pretty long, pretty serious, and if I change all the names and places mentioned in that story it would not just confuse you, it would confuse me. Janus with 3 hours of sleep is not very good at that.

Editing and proofreading was done by wonderful wife Bella who is really got at catching Janusisms that look awkward (like the word Janusism and my run on sentences from hell.)

Anyway, good to see you all.